There are three major things that can get in the way of your success:
This goes for all success, not just diet and fitness.
- Relationships with others
- Relationship with self
- Life stress and pressure
These will be your major challenges. John and Nicola talk about these issues in today’s podcast.
You will experience negative backlash as you get in shape. You will never be able to guess who will be on your side or who will not be as supportive as you thought. As you gain your success it will put your relationships in a state of flux.
Some people who were your friends or that you are close to will become jealous or insecure because of your success; while at the same time you will make new friends who will support you. All of your relationships will be tested.
The change in the relationship with yourself: Are you being compassionate, kind, and loving to yourself? You can’t rely on others to validate you. Give yourself permission to be good to you. This will help you with your relationships with others.
I’m finding out who my real friends are. I’m happy to say that my friend Carla here is a true and trusted friend. Our support goes both ways and we both cheer each other on and help each other when we are down. It’s great to have true friends.
My support circle changed.
Like everyone else who has paved the way before me, and what I also see happening for newer women finding success in our community; all the relationships around me changed. I’m blessed to have an incredibly supportive husband (my dear Randy).
Randy has actually changed along with me regarding healthier eating habits. He was the one who helped me get started and he has been my support all along.
Even though Randy was never over weight we both agreed that some of the steps we took to help me lose weight we will keep for good, like not having snack foods around the house as a normal routine.
Randy has even taken up Eat Stop Eat practices as a way to maintain his physique. He also decided to join me regarding not consuming typical breakfast cereals and discarding a lot of the eating habits that are ingrained in our current modern North American society.
We both have evolved to a non-conventional eating lifestyle where neither of us puts pressure on the other to eat at specific times or when the other is not hungry. We both respect the needs of each other while staying healthy and fit.
It does not mean we have to neglect time together. Sometimes I’ll have a cup of tea and chat with him while he is eating, or other times we will skip a meal together yet sit outside on the deck sipping coffee or tea instead. Other times we make an effort to plan a meal together.
I’m not sure how successful I would be without Randy’s support. He was there for me during all the painful flux of my relationships with others.
We both have evolved to a non-conventional eating lifestyle where neither of us puts pressure on the other to eat at specific times or when the other is not hungry.
Other people are still used to the old you.
The thing is; the others who said hurtful things to me many times didn’t even realize how hurtful they were. When you gain success it changes how others view you and themselves, it causes insecurity, uncertainty, and it is scary to some people. They were used to the old you.
I have found out who my real friends are. Friendships continued to change even after my fitness success and as I progressed along and found success in other aspects of my life.
As my success increased, I had yet even new “fitness support” friends become negative and hurtful. Again, I don’t think they meant it, I think they are just so wrapped up in their own insecurity that they don’t even see it.
It doesn’t mean that I can’t still be friends with them, but I’ve learned I have to put my guard up a little now and establish new boundaries. It’s just part of life.
Don’t look back.
My new motto for when people are mean, jealous, and ugly towards me is to be thankful because they are a reminder of what I don’t want to be. I can’t control them. I can’t change them. I can’t tell them they might need counseling for their insecurities, constant negative talk, or constantly putting other people down.
I can only change me. I can decide I do not want to be like that. Besides that, I know that the real reason they are hurtful towards me is because they themselves are hurting. I can decide to be the one with compassion, yet refuse to be a doormat.
I also can’t spend the time to think about their negativity as it hinders my own growth and my own effort to strive to be positive and forward thinking. It’s a waste of time and it is toxic. My life is moving forward too fast to turn backwards and look at them. Just like everything else we do; keep moving forward.
Randy and I have seen some funny changes over the last several years with the interactions I now have with people all around me in all aspects of my life. As a female you will find that as you become fit many other females will become frosty towards you, yet the men will become friendlier and you will get more attention. In general you will get more respect.
At the Sheriff’s department Randy jokingly says that I went from being an “ink blot” deputy (I would say I was frumpy and more matronly looking), to someone who looks more youthful and is highly respected. I am now sought out for advice and opinions or sometimes just for chit chat when I was previously mostly ignored.
It’s mostly all fun but it’s hard when at times it costs you some friendships. It’s the price you pay for doing something extraordinary and improving yourself. It is something we all have to work through. Like Nicola said, the best place to start is with you.
-Ro
Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:
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