Ask Nicola; Learn to Love Your Body

We all deal with insecurities with our bodies; even after we achieve our goals. This picture  was a real turning point for me.

We all deal with insecurities with our bodies; even after we achieve our goals. This picture taken last Friday night was a real turning point for me.

 

We all deal with insecurities with our bodies; even after we achieve our goals

This podcast with John and Nicola was extremely helpful to me regarding emotional issues that I’m currently dealing with.

Sometimes I have a huge disconnect between how I see myself and how others see me. My husband Randy says I look perfect right now, but I tend to see myself as bigger than I once was, even though I lost 60 pounds!

 

Your body is your power house

Randy sees me as a whole person. When he sees my shape, he sees the whole shape and he does not nitpick at the parts like I do. When he hears me talk about my body he gets frustrated and tells me that I’m not looking at the whole picture or that my overall shape is beautiful.

He also sees how I work and use my body as the power house in all that I do.

 

Comparison is the thief of joy

I am constantly comparing myself to when I was at my leanest which was immediately after I’d achieved my Venus goals. My leanest is not a realistic body fat level to live my life especially as a female. At my leanest (10% body fat) I was able to create some great fitness model looking pictures.

But this is sometimes a drawback for me as I tend to compare myself to them. I am almost 53 years old and I don’t live my life prancing around in a bikini and high heels, at 10% body fat, and water manipulated!  It’s just not a practical comparison.

It’s as bad as any of us who compare ourselves to all the fitness model pictures of girls who were ripped for a few nano seconds in time AND had their pictures enhanced with photoshop, AND we have NO IDEA what methods were taken to get their bodies in that kind of shape.

Even my own pictures were only a moment in time that took weeks to prepare for.

 

I did not see anything special in the picture

I took this silly locker room picture because I was happy that the new jeans and T-shirt felt good and brought back fun memories of my recent vacation with my dear friend Carla. We had gone clothes shopping together and she helped me pick these out.

The reactions I got from the picture were a turning point for me.  I  did not see anything special in this picture.  In fact what I saw were arms that are too bulky,  a torso that is too thick, and in my mind I pictured the fat on my legs and butt that I don’t like.  You are supposed to have some fat on your body!

I wasn’t wearing makeup so I didn’t take off my prescription sunglasses that I had worn for work outside.  I just wanted to take the picture so I could post it for Carla and let her know I was thinking of her and the fun we had going shopping the day I’d purchased these clothes.

 

Sometimes you need to listen to the truthful positive feedback

After I posted the picture on Facebook and MyFitnessPal I was brought to tears by the comments and compliments. It was a turning point.

Even though we can’t base our happiness on compliments and what others think, it is nice to get positive attention on occasion. I’m only human and this makes me feel good sometimes.

Not only was it nice, but it spoke to me on a deep level about how I was viewing myself. Something was wrong and I needed to take action.

 

You can have fitness goals and still decide to feel good about your body

Even if I have a short term goal of getting back to my pre-summer vacation shape I can feel good about my shape now. I can focus on the strength and health improvements that I’ve already achieved. I can focus on feeling good about the actions I am taking today to achieve my short term goals.

My goal is not to get back to 10% body fat and that is okay too. I can decide to be happy anywhere in my healthy body fat range and it does not matter what anyone else thinks.

 

What can you do about it?

You can tend to analyze your parts, not the whole.

You can tend to look at your body parts as something that is an object, not part of you.

  1. There is social pressure for a variety of reasons.
  2. You can develop insecurities early on.  Then your body becomes a rejection point. You start nit picking.

How can I like my body when I have a lot of weight to lose?

It’s not easy.  It takes work.

Your body is not just a visual object.  It is a practical power house.  It is you.

Today Nicola will give you something to start doing to help learning to appreciate yourself and your current efforts.

 

I am taking Nicola’s advice and I’m feeling better already!
-Ro

 

Dr. Nicola Bird

Nicola’s Online Program

Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

Ask Nicola; What Can You Do About Distorted Body Image?

We all deal with distorted body image to some extent.

We all deal with distorted body image to some extent.

We all deal with distorted body image to some extent.  I’ve found that opening up to friends about it really helps as well as listening to how others I trust view me.  It all gets better over time.   We just keep working on being the best we can be; mind, body, and spirit.

 

What can you do about having a distorted body image?

  • Do we all struggle with distorted body image to some extent?
  • Will talking about how you feel help?
  • Is it possible for you remove the emotional baggage associated with your body?
  • You can turn this into a positive mindset that works for you.
  • Find your own positive, self loving, self talk that is motivating for you.
  • Opening up to others can help.

 

Nicola and John talk about what to do to about having a distorted body image.

Dr. Nicola Bird

Nicola’s Online Program

Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

  Adam Lane

Ask Nicola; Can Food Be a Reward?

Eating healthy and staying fit is a gift to yourself.

Eating healthy and staying fit is a gift to yourself.

 

Can food be a reward?

  • Should food be used as a reward or punishment?
  • Why do we say “I deserve this” for a food treat?
  • Will some of this behavior make healthy eating seem like deprivation?
  • Eating well is taking care of yourself and nourishing yourself.

 

  • Is rewarding yourself with food an excuse?
  • Is rewarding yourself with food opening yourself for overindulge?
  • How do you feel after reward yourself with food?

 

  • It is seductive and dangerous.
  • Are you seeing your fitness program as a punishment?
  • Or is your program a gift to yourself?

 

  • It should be.
  • exercising is caring for yourself.
    • Do the best you can for yourself.
    • I deserve to be fit.
    • I deserve to be healthy.
    • It is a daily practice.

Nicola and John talk about what to do to change your mindset if you need to.

Dr. Nicola Bird

Nicola’s Online Program

Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

Ask Nicola; Closet Eating

You are not alone in this.  Find a friend or someone you can trust.

You are not alone in this. Find a friend or someone you can trust and get it out in the open so you can face it.

What can you do about closet eating?

Overeating usually happen in two major situations:

1) When you are influenced socially.

2) When you are alone.

Today we will focus when you are alone.  You are facing yourself.  This is a moment with an opportunity to learn or face why you might overeat.  What can you do about this?

This is a vulnerable time.  It’s a common theme to hide and eat.  People do this because they don’t want to be seen or face the shame of being overweight.  It increases a vicious circle.  Shame is usually driving the emotion.  It is a very painful place.  You can be stuck in this unhappy and shameful place.

The goal would be to eat in a similar way whether you are eating alone or in a social setting.

What is the first step in getting away from shame in secretive eating?

Admit it.  Get out of denial about it.

Then you can face it.

You are not alone in this.  Find a friend or someone you can trust.  Write a journal.

Nicola and John talk about what to do about closet eating.

Dr. Nicola Bird

Nicola’s Online Program

Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

Ask Nicola; Emotional Eating vs Emotional OVER-Eating

 

The thing to remember is that the stress and the need to want to eat a treat that makes you feel good; it is a moment.   Let yourself have the moment.  Factor it in because you are human.

The thing to remember is that the stress and the need to want to eat a treat that makes you feel good; it is a moment. Let yourself have the moment. Factor it in because you are human.

Emotional Eating vs Emotional OVER-Eating

Everyone emotionally eats.  Sometimes it happens like clockwork.  It might be from certain events that cause stress.

The thing to remember is that the stress and the need to want to eat a treat that makes you feel good; it is a moment.   Let yourself have the moment.

You do not have to keep eating to the point of overeating.  Slow down.  Take a moment to enjoy the food.

Have the chocolate.  Pay attention.  Give yourself the permission to have that chocolate and then just have it.  You can always have more again next time.

Do not deny it.  It needs to be factored in.  Plan on it.  Know it is going to happen. Remind yourself that you can have it again.

Be mindful of the emotion at the time.  You have not do beat yourself up about it.  You can contain it.  You can learn to manage the moments.

Every human being has these cravings and urges.  It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you.  It does not mean you have to give up your goals.  Factor in that you are human. Give yourself some flexibility.

Dr. Nicola Bird

Nicola’s Online Program

Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

Ask Nicola; Identify Emotional Eating

 

Kimberley and I enjoy our homemade ice cream sundaes.

Kimberley and I enjoy our homemade ice cream sundaes.  Eating at a social event is not necessarily a pattern that is controlling you.

Identify Emotional Eating

Do you think that you’re overeating or eating high caloric food simply because you happen to “like” food or have a “sweet tooth”?

That’s a common mistaken belief.

It’s more likely that you are overeating because of your emotions. Emotional eating is not restricted to people who are out of control bingers.

Whenever you are eating for reasons other than hunger, it is your emotions that are driving your behavior, not “love” of food or your “sweet tooth.”

Learn how you can identify this drive to eat for reasons other than physical hunger and take charge of it.

Dr. Nicola Bird

Nicola’s Online Program

Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

Ask Nicola; Perfectionist Mindset

I bet if each of us looked as perfect as Alisha does in these pictures we would all still find something wrong with ourselves.  Most of us need to learn to overcome the perfectionist mindset.

I bet if each of us looked as perfect as Alisha does in these pictures we would all still find something wrong with ourselves. Most of us need to learn to overcome the perfectionist mindset.

The Perfectionist Mindset

Do you think that you always need to be better? That you’re often not happy — at least for long — with what you have achieved?

This is the perfectionism mindset: when nothing is enough for very long. Perfectionism often derails and sabotages success.

Find out how you can overcome perfectionism….

Dr. Nicola Bird

Nicola’s Online Program

Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

Ask Nicola; Are You Your Own Worst Self Critic?

When do you stop nit picking on yourself and just enjoy how far you have progressed?

Appreciate who you are now and just enjoy how far you have progressed!

Are you your own worst self critic?

You’re working hard to lose weight and be fit or maintain your fitness and weight loss. But boy, are you hard on yourself as you try to achieve or maintain your goals. If you eat more than your planned or gain a few pounds, you beat yourself up. You feel rotten about yourself. And the worse you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to overeat or fall off the bandwagon. Learn how you can be kinder to yourself to achieve or maintain your goals.

Dr. Nicola Bird

Nicola’s Online Program

Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

Ask Nicola; Trusting Your New Self

After you transform your body, how do you learn to trust your new self?

After you transform your body, how do you learn to trust your new self?

How do you learn to trust your new self?

You’ve lost weight. You’re fitter. Perhaps you’ve even achieved your goals. But then you gain a couple pounds and it ruins everything for you. You doubt yourself. You fear regaining the weight. You don’t trust yourself to maintain. But if you gain 5 lbs, you just need to loose 5 lbs. It’s not that big of a deal. How do you learn to trust your new self and trust yourself to maintain the changes?

Dr. Nicola Bird

Nicola’s Online Program

Listen to John’s interview with Dr. Nicola Bird here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

Seeing Myself through Other People’s Eyes

I was not seeing what other people see (I probably still don’t)

I just got back from an amazing week away and I am reflecting on how some of us are our own worst judges of our own physique and level of fitness.  As females we are usually much too hard on ourselves.

I’m going to confess that for several months now I’ve been a bit hard on myself.  I’m constantly judging myself against the photo shoot I did in March of 2012.  I’ve at times felt like a fraud since I didn’t maintain sub 10% body fat and have let myself come up a bit (to what is probably a healthier level).

My husband Randy has been trying to help me and he hates seeing me squander away this time by not fully appreciating my achievements.  It is very frustrating to him to see me not fully happy.  In his opinion I look my best right now when I feel I’m at the higher end of my “range”.

When John came out to California earlier this year we talked about the judging of ourselves and feeling like a fraud.  I learned that this is quite a common feeling and that it’s not necessary that I ever to get down to that sub 10% body fat state ever again if I don’t wish to.  I don’t have to keep proving it.  I proved it.  I did it.  It’s done and there is nothing fraudulent about that.  I can decide to go lower than I am now if I want, or I can stay where I am, I can do whatever I choose.

At the time of my 2012 photo shoot I had several people tell me I was too skinny.  Sometimes this happens when people are scared or worried about seeing you transform from overweight to fit, other times it is jealously or other emotional issues within the other person, and other times it is really someone’s honest opinion.  Although that level of low body fat produced great pictures for me, in real life many people thought I was too skinny.

Randy thought so as did many of the deputies I work with, some of my neighbors, and many of my friends at the gym.  A few others thought it was fine, but overall most people thought I was too skinny.

I volunteer to work as a reserve deputy at our local Sheriff’s department.  This last week our department hosted a convention for all the Sheriff’s in our state.  As I packed to leave last Sunday I had Randy take a picture of me.  I didn’t like the picture.  I didn’t like how I looked.  I felt fat.  Since Randy thinks I look perfect right now he was sad to see me not appreciate it and as I was leaving he said “You look stunning.. do not squander this time by feeling fat.. that is ridiculous”.

I adjusted my own attitude

I spent the time driving up to the conference adjusting my own attitude.  I decided what I thought didn’t matter.  No one around me at the gym or out and about seems to see what I see.  In fact I continue to get compliments about my level of fitness and a lot of attention even though I feel fat.  It is a strange phenomenon that seems to happen to many females.  By the time I got to my room and saw the beautiful view I decided I was going to enjoy myself and not squander my time as Randy advised.

By the time I got to my room I decided I was not going to squander the opportunity I had before me

By the time I got to my room I decided I was not going to squander the opportunity I had before me

I think sometimes when you get to this level of fitness (close to the Venus Ideal) when you think you are just right you might be too skinny.  When everyone else around you (of those you can trust that are not jealous) see you as just right you probably are just right.  The Venus Ideal metrics don’t matter at this point.  Your scale weight doesn’t matter at this point.  The size clothes you think you should wear at this point don’t even matter.

If you really are “just right” then it’s time to keep the clothes that fit you, not fit yourself to the clothes you somehow think you should fit into.  If you are like me then you are not the best judge.

Women are supposed to have a little more body fat.  The body fat level does not matter.  It is different for each person.  The shape of how you look, how pleasing it is to the eye, and how healthy and strong you feel are what matters.

Being told that heads are turning is a clue

I got to the conference a day prior to going on security duty planning to hit the gym and relax a bit.  I did get a chance to do both but I got caught up in some necessary duties first as we were conference hosts and I ended up running around the conference in my gym clothes.

I did finally get to the gym for a Venus workout

I did finally get to the gym for a Venus workout

I didn’t learn until a few days later that as I was running around taking care of business heads were turning and people were asking “Who the heck is that girl?”.

Law enforcement is a tough place to get respect and it doesn’t come easily but I seemed to have finally earned it.

I earned the respect of the station commander

I had a day off in between my security shifts and had planned to spend the day at the pool and gym but the night before my day off I went out with our firearms range master team and they invited me to come out to the shooting range the next day instead.   The day at the range ended up being amazing.

I was tired when I got out there because I hadn’t slept well and I was wondering why the heck I wasn’t hanging out by the pool.  Then one of the range masters gave me an assignment.  We had a lot of shooters to get through the various competition stations and things needed to happen efficiently so my job was to go down range and set up metal targets after each competitor shot them down.

I decided to make this fun for myself as well as more efficient so I ran down range and back in between each shooter.  After I was warmed up I was itching to add pushups to the circuit but decided all the people watching might think I was a bit loony so I held off.  But I continued to run the entire time which ended up being about 4 hours or so (I had plenty of rest while competitors were shooting).

The Venus Index Workouts have given me functional strength and endurance, although I do add some HIIT running to my routine as well.

By the time the competitions were done just about everyone there noticed the short little lady wearing the black ballistics vest running up and down the range all day.  People asked how I felt and I said great and wished I could have added pushups.

The commander who was at the range is a pretty fit guy and wanted to know about workouts I recommend (of course I recommend Adonis for the guys).  Both my husband and I know the commander and that getting his respect is a big deal and is not easily earned.

As everyone at the range was in line for the catered lunch the commander asked me to show the crowd my biceps flex.  Then right in front of the crowd he said “You should be very proud of what you have achieved, especially for your age.  You should have gone ahead and added your pushups to your running down range and you would have put these fire guys to shame”.

The firemen in line (who had just seen me in action all day and the quick muscle flex) nodded with respect and said “That’s okay, we don’t need to see any more for her to prove it”.

I gained the hard earned respect of the commander.  This is us later at dinner.

I gained the hard earned respect of the commander. This is us later at dinner.

The range competition wasn’t the only event of the day but all the various guests and staff gathered at the hotel pub for debrief and apparently my getting noticed running up and down the range was part of the topic of discussion.  I was asleep during the “debrief” since I had the early morning security shift, which was probably just as well.

I found out while working the next day that I had earned the reputation as the “Energizer bunny”, and in reference to the my fitness transformation “You really took the bull by the horns didn’t you?”

More fun at the shooting range

We all got a chance to shoot the 50 caliber rifle

We all got a chance to shoot the 50 caliber rifle

After lunch we all got a chance to shoot the 50 caliber rifle and an MP5 fully automatic rifle.  We got some of it on video.  It was an amazing day.

I think it made my young patrol partner a believer

My security partner for this event is a young guy. He really wants to lose weight and get fit so we had a lot of time to talk about calories and workouts.  I wasn’t sure he was totally convinced about what works since like most other people he’s heard a lot of conflicting and confusing advise about diet and fitness.  It’s hard to believe it could be so simple and that he does not have to do endless cardio.

We spent several days together and he got to see my interactions with convention guests throughout, on and off duty and during meals. After awhile he kept noticing the attention I got and the heads turning constantly.  He said “That guy really likes you.  I mean he REALLY likes you!”, “I think that guy was hitting on you”.  “Don’t you ever get tired of this?”

I told him if he really wants to gain respect when he walks into the briefing room, get fit; become an Adonis.  Anyone who sets their mind to it can do it.  Anyone.  It will change your life.

I told him that if I could gain this much respect in law enforcement as a small 5’1″ female than imagine what he could do as a 6′ male.

The security detail with the state Governor.

Last night we had a visit from the state Governor.  My partner and I had the opportunity to work with some of the state troopers on the security detail for the Governor.  It was fun and fascinating to be in on it and work with them.

We had a visit from the state Governor

We had a visit from the state Governor last night.  That is our sharp looking honor guard in the background.

My partner and I got a chance to talk to many of the state troopers.  Once this shift was over our work for the convention details were complete and we could finally relax a little.  I changed out of the uniform into a summer dress and once again my young partner was shocked by the number of heads turning as we walked around, especially all the young state troopers who worked with me all evening and watched me transform out of my uniform.

We walked into the pub and it literally took me 20 minutes to get to our group because we kept getting stopped by the guests; “Hey I met you at the gym today, I’m the one who helped you with the treadmill”, “Are you a fitness model?”, “Are you the deputy who was working tonight?”, “What cross fit gym to you go to?” (WHY do they think this?), “I can tell you are a cop, look at those arms”… on and on.

I think my young patrol partner is getting a clue now how being fit can change your life, really and truly.

The growing community of Venus transformations

The moral of this story wasn’t for me to talk about all the compliments and head turning (although I’m proud to tell it) but to bring up the phenomenon of self perception that happens even after you have reached your fitness goal and stayed there awhile.

It took the contrast of my recent self perception with the reactions I got at this conference to make it really sink in for me.  I have a feeling this is something most of us girls struggle with and will continue to always somewhat struggle with.  I can’t say I understand why this happens to us, but it does.

I’ll be writing more about others but I’d like to picture a few of our amazing Venus women who have transformed and maintained for awhile now.  They’ve likely struggled with many of these issues and are a part of our amazing online community.

There are many willing to help and although this is a smaller segment of our community it continues to grow and and we all continue to prove that the Venus lifestyle may not always be easy, but it is sustainable.

 

Tania

Tania

ShannonGym

Shannon

 

Liss

Liss

Carla

Carla

There are many more but these are just a few who have struggled and proved it can be done.  These girls enjoy life to it’s fullest and still maintain an amazing physique;  living the Venus lifestyle every day.  We all have our struggles, but somehow we manage to keep what we set out to do.

It’s so good to be home.

-Ro

 

 

 

 

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