Warning: Bulking Leads to Less Fab and More Flab

Here’s the next episode of the UNCENSORED Podcasts Season 2.

Today’s topic: Bulking

What is bulking?

In a nutshell,  bulking occurs when eating at a caloric surplus to gain muscle mass. However, in reality it’s just overeating resulting in fat gain.

Warning Bulking Leads to Less Fab and More Flab

Once you start thinking about bulking, you will realize that anyone who chooses to follow this approach is basically throwing away logic in the name of impatience.

We are naturally impatient so the idea of eating like it’s your job for the sake of gaining more muscle is tempting, especially if you have a low Basal Metabolic Rate, but goes against the reality of how your body really builds muscle.

And today it’s not something that just men fall for, but as lots of women realize that fat loss is not enough and that they also need to build some muscles to look fit, a lot of them also fall for this myth as well.

So why do so many people try to bulk up if it doesn’t work? And why is it still presented as the standard way of building muscle by conventional fitness media?

The answer is quite simple, because this concept is highly profitable to certain companies’ and individuals.  It’s impossible to bulk up by yourself.  You will need a trainer to tell you exactly what to eat and supplements to take… and the rest of the story is self-explanatory.

In today’s episode John Barban and Brad Pilon talk about the conspiracy supporting the concept of bulking.

They will expose the fitness industry and show you that almost everyone is working against you and why it’s important to be aware of the truth if you hope to ever get in shape and build your ideal hourglass body.

In today’s UNCENSORED training, you will also discover:

  • You will find out 3 reasons why there is something we call a “bulking conspiracy” that keeps this myth alive
  • You will understand how the people you meet every day in the gym are making it easy for your to fall for this myth
  • You will get your final answer on whether excess calories help you build more muscle or not (hint: there is a big difference in “make” vs “allow”).
  • You will know what happens to testosterone and growth hormone when you eat a lot of calories and whether it’s different for women
  • You will discover whether you can build muscle while “cutting”?

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Making the Mona Lisa Smile

Mona Lisa by Leonardo da VinciDoes Mona Lisa Smile For You?

Confession time. When I first learned that the famous Mona Lisa was smiling, I was surprised. Maybe this will sound odd to some, but I’d honestly never perceived her expression as happy when I was growing up. Now, obviously, this statement reveals more about my childhood than it does about the Mona Lisa.

Growing up as a latch-key child with an emotionally absent alcoholic father and a physically absent mother doesn’t do a whole lot for creating an atmosphere of joy. So yes. I totally missed that she was smiling.

The Creation of Happiness

I am happy to report that she does indeed smile for me now, but sometimes it’s work; sometimes I need to consciously fish around in my mental storage bin for my virtual rose colored glasses.

I accept responsibility for my emotions now but with that responsibility comes the requirement that I study and learn techniques that might be obvious to those with a solid foundation in early childhood happiness. It’s one of the reasons I strive to create as full and happy a childhood for my children as I can; perhaps they won’t have to work as hard as I sometimes do to create happiness.

Love and Accept Your Body Before You Transform

You may be wondering what all this jibber-jabber about art and attitude has to do with transformation so bear with me while we take a little journey.

One of my early active steps towards my transformation was plunking down a wad of virtual cash for an eBook. I’m not a relic but it took me some years to come to terms with my failure to transform on my own and be willing to part with cold hard cash for something seemingly intangible.

I eagerly “ripped open” my shiny new transformation program, only to be hit with a lecture and some airy-fairy exercise on loving my body. Now while I’m as airy-fairy as the next person, the guy who wrote this particular program wasn’t. I’d been watching his videos online and had even met him. I know one thing and that is that he had no business trying to get all woo woo on me.

However, I put that aside and went on with the exercise. (And by exercise, I mean writing crap on paper, lest you think I was doing something physical.) As expected, it fell flat. I’ve done intensive personal growth seminars and made great positive strides. Sitting with a piece of paper doing some contrived mental exercise wasn’t going to do a darned thing for my belly fat. In losing faith in the exercise, I lost faith in the program.

This dude and the mainstream fitness mafia can pile on all the guilt in the world that I have to lurve my body and accept as it is before I can successfully transform. I call bullsh*t.

In hindsight, I’m so glad I did! I stand by my conviction that anyone who pretends to hold expertise outside their actual field of expertise loses all credibility with me. And in giving up on this program, I was able to continue seeking out the answers and ultimately find my way here to Venus Index where information is research based.

I Hated My Body and Transformed Anyway

This may be a hard pill to swallow but when I finally began the successful stage of my transformation journey, it was without feelings of love towards my body shape and size. I was quite clear about who I am as a person and that I am a person of character, and I am also clearly blessed to be gifted with a functioning body complete with working parts, but at the same time, I was hiding my body away by choice to avoid humiliation. This was not who I was. In avoiding social situations, I was depriving both myself and my children of a chief source of joy in life.

It turns out, there’s research to back me up on this; it turns out that depressive episodes are strongly linked to excess adipose tissue and inflammation.

Online Socializing is a Poor Substitute for the Real Thing

Realizing that I was doing us all a big disservice was one of the driving forces behind my successful transformation. I wanted joy for us and I wanted to be comfortable enough in my own skin to be pleasant around other people. The bulk of my socializing had moved to online. Many studies are saying this is a good thing but it’s interesting that the timing coincides with the obesity epidemic. Perhaps others hide away for reasons similar to my own?

One of the reasons winning a transformation contest was attractive to me is that it involves a clear deadline. The focus I’d be putting into the necessary work would soon come to an end and I could move to the next leg of the journey. The whole point of the exercise was to create more joy in our lives. With that in mind, you can bet I became a student of maintenance early on in the journey; every tool I added to my toolkit got stored away for use at any future time. I regularly rotate through these tools now.

Creating Joy

Would it surprise you to learn that once I reached my goal, I wasn’t actually completely happy all the time? Some of this had to do with having been hit with a few extreme life challenges and still doing internal work to ascertain what my part I’d played and how I could grow from the experiences and move on with my life. But the bulk of my failure to feel happy more of the time was just due to still not knowing how to be happy.

Enter Transformation as an Ongoing Journey

It was at that point in my personal journey that I realized that simply achieving the physical body I’d always dreamed of was not going to be the biggest achievement of my life, nor should it be. (Perhaps that sounds silly but I went for it with that much tenacity.)  There are so many things I am capable of doing and that bring me joy. I found myself energized by the open book my life had suddenly become at the age of 47. I find myself more able to be the parent I wanted to be, but also wanting to return to my personal life journey that had been put on hold during my earlier years of parenting.

Sometimes, it’s overwhelming. There are so many ways in which I’d like to improve and they simply cannot all happen immediately. And in fact, it is not possible to ever achieve the level of success that I dream of in all endeavors simultaneously. This is an area in which I am learning to shift my thinking. I am choosing a few priorities and setting goals. I used to set too many goals and fail across the board. Now I strive to set what I call “mini-missions” that I am sure to complete and get a feeling of accomplishment that propels me to further success.

Stop and Savor the Espresso

What makes even small successes worthwhile is consciously thinking about them. I am tired of missing out on the joy as if I move about head down with blinders, getting it done but not enjoying the process. There is joy in the process!

One way in which I keep being able to enjoy the success of maintaining my Venus body shape and size is by having just an espresso for breakfast whenever the mood strikes me. I’ve learned from Brad Pilon that breakfast is not a requirement and that if you stop and listen and find you’re not hungry, there is simply no reason to eat. But I still pop out of bed eager for that espresso! In fact, the last thought before my head hits the pillow is tomorrow morning, I get to have an espresso! Along with this simple ritual comes a reflective morning peace that might lead to a bit of weeding in the garden or reading in the morning sun.

Creating my Happy

As life constantly changes, so must one work at the formula for creating happy today. I use many techniques, most of which you’ve likely heard of. Here are a few techniques I cycle through:

  • Take time regularly to be truly grateful for things. Get creative on this one so it is not done by rote.
  • Truly connect with people. I mean in person. Yes, even you introverts. Make some eye contact!
  • Get present and simply remind yourself to enjoy the moment.
  • Unplug completely on a regular basis.
  • Get out in nature.
  • Pay it forward: help someone with no strings attached. Or do volunteer work.
  • Declutter and simplify.
  • Keep up with chores.
  • Feed your mind daily with interesting and challenging new information.
  • Put an event on your calendar. Simply anticipating it will bring you untold hours of joy!
  • Feed  your soul with worthwhile brain candy.
  • Use color, scent, music, art, etc for mood enhancement. Taste is not our only sense! Don’t neglect the others!
  • Take up an old hobby or join a group that does something you love.
  • Hang out with dogs, cats, children – whatever energizes you.
  • Challenge your body (within reason).
  • Dress well!
  • Don’t expect too much of yourself. We have been led to believe we should own more and accomplish more than is reasonable.
What do you do to get  your happy? It doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated.

Falling Forward: Turning Mistakes into Success

Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer. -Denis Waitley

The hardest part about mistakes is to keep moving forward but that is what you must do.  Everyone makes mistakes but if you keep moving forward the mistake will soon be behind you.  Have you ever made a mistake at a new job?

I currently work as a volunteer patrol deputy for our local Sheriff’s department.  I had spent 25 years prior working for a corporate high tech company and then decided to go through the police academy and volunteer for the community in a unique way.

The environment at a law enforcement agency is vastly different from the corporate company I was used to.  Yes, I made mistakes.  It’s hard on the ego when you get called on the pad and into the Lieutenant’s office.  Part of me wanted to quit and say this is just not for me.  But when you keep moving forward you can sometimes become better for having made the mistake.  The best thing to do is own up to it and face whatever consequences come with it and continue to do your best.

Because of what I learned from that mistake I’m now in a position to help coach others on how to avoid that particular mistake should the opportunity arise.  Can you think of ways that you became better because of mistakes you have made?

As I lost 60 pounds I chose to move forward even when I made mistakes at work as well as on my weight loss journey.

The Sheriff gives a speech every year at our official swearing in ceremony.  Because consequences can be severe for mistakes made in law enforcement he always talks about the concept of owning up to mistakes and moving on.  He has an awesome sense of humor and a fun personality, but he shows us his serious side when he talks about consequences in our work mistakes.

The other option is to stop, freeze, or quit.  If you stop moving forward and are worried about making more mistakes you will never progress.  Every successful person has made mistakes and know they will make mistakes again.  They don’t live in fear of mistakes.

My friend April and I share some of the exact same mistakes regarding motherhood.  Sometimes this gives us a special bond with a friend and helps us deal with residual guilt and healing.  For women especially there is a certain amount of guilt we all feel about not being perfect mothers for our kids.   Whether it is simply a matter of raising the children, sharing custody, adoption, congenital medical issues or children’s health issues, whatever is the circumstance these all cause very deep emotional issues for women.

Because of what happened in April’s situation she lost a lot of weight and became very thin, then did the yo-yo in the opposite direction and gained a lot of weight and started down the path of an emotional eating disorder.

April believes that the reeling torment on the inside was being reflected on the outside (manifested in her yo-yo body weight), and that she was punishing herself for the guilt she felt.

April finally decided to take a step forward when she joined the Venus Index Community.  She owned up to her mistakes with eating along with the other mistakes.  She allowed herself to be accepted into a community of women who understood and treated her warmly and with respect.  April said this has helped her get her body right and get through some rough times.  This is helping her get her mind right as well. April learned that sometimes getting support means you have to give it order to get it.

April wants to learn to forgive herself for not being perfect for her son.  She shares a unique story where she is the birth mother and she shares a special bond with Rebecca Bennett.  April wants to be a Venus both inside and out.  I think she is well on her way and moving forward now.

As we start out on our weight loss journey full of hope, new tools, new books to read, and new workouts we must remember to forgive ourselves from the mistakes that we will make.  We must learn to keep moving forward, or falling forward, or leaping forward, anything but staying frozen in fear of mistakes.

Whether the mistakes are at a job or school, or on your weight loss journey you can move forward and learn to overcome adversity.   Do you have trouble getting over a sabotage point; have anxiety with food choices, or food addictions?  These can all be overcome; you can learn a new way to eat regardless of your situation.  Are you afraid of the gym or are you afraid to lift heavy?  This too can be overcome with a winning mindset.

 

April chooses to leap forward from her mistakes. You can make this choice too.

What about you? Will you learn from your mistakes and keep moving, or will you let mistakes control you?

It is your choice.

-Ro

Eat for “Flavor” & The 6 Step Recovery Method from Orthorexia

Here’s the second part of this month’s UNCENSORED Podcasts Season 2 on Orthorexia.

Check out the first part here: The Side Effect of Modern Society and Even Scientists Can’t Escape

What we covered in the first part:

  • We’ve talked about how certain foods can completely mess up your personality and social identity
  • You learned why people in the fitness industry feel superiority over you because of their diet choices
  • You discovered why you should bother tracking and testing things related to nutrition and not just training
  • You learned about the connection between people suffering from orthorexia and drug addicts
  • You also discovered what’s really in the root of the search for healthy eating and if that goal is really achievable
  • You learned that orthorexia is a marketing driven eating disorder and that the food and fitness industry are making billions just from people getting fatter every year

Let Go of the Good Food/Bad Food Belief

You need to learn to let go of the good food, bad food belief and dump all the bad food lists. And instead start focusing on the foods that taste good, are filling and make you feel great.

It’s a mind shit and a whole different perception, especially if you have been exposed to the mainstream fitness media for the last couple of decades.

Ask yourself this question: ” What do I like to eat?” And eat exactly that!

A lot of people will be thinking that this statement means you can eat burgers and ice cream all day long. Well, that’s not true. Nobody can do go on a diet like that and that’s a pretty boring lifestyle to have.

There are lots of food choices, if chicken with broccoli and chocolate with ice cream are the only meals you know you are limiting yourself and preventing yourself from tasting some amazing foods that are also rich in nutrients.

Get a variety in your diet and start experimenting with different cuisines. Just ask yourself, what exotic meal you haven’t tried yet?

Believe it or not, there are other foods and meals outside the “healthy” recommended by fitness media and “unhealthy junk food” like chocolate or burgers. There are a lot of other options and they can be very tasty.

Today John Barban and Brad Pilon will show you how to switch  from good/bad thinking into “eating what I really like and what makes me feel good” and “what would be the best and most tasty option for me?“.

If you’ve heard the first podcast and you’ve read so far then you understand what’s the point of it, but you may still be unsure of the whole process, so before you listen to today’s episode where John and Brad discuss this in great detail, let’s look over the steps you can take to recover from Orthorexia and start eating for flavor:

  1. Realize that any health message is a marketing message
  2. Understand that you won’t cheat death, and especially not by choosing different foods
  3. Create new food lists, but assign them different meanings (e.g. rank them by flavor)
  4. Make a list of foods that makes you bloated or that you are allergic to
  5. Evaluate every food on those lists based on how much you enjoy it, how many calories it contains etc.
  6. [you will have to listen to the interview for this one :)]
There is a lot of choice outside the traditional healthy and unhealthy lists AKA good foods/bad foods. European and Asian cuisines are very rich in different flavors and tastes, just start experimenting. Today we are going to give you the permission to do that and explain you why it’s beneficial and how to go about it.

The Side Effect of Modern Society and Even Scientists Can’t Escape

Here’s the first part of this month’s UNCENSORED Podcasts Season 2.

This month’s topic: Orthorexia.

What is orthorexia?

Orthorexia comes from obsession with avoiding foods that are perceived to be unhealthy. In the academic field it’s believed to be a mental disorder. This disorder can lead to severe malnutrition or even in some rare cases death.

Orthorexics usually have low self-esteem, because they blame themselves rather than their diets for their constant hunger and the resulting cravings for foods they’ve labeled as forbidden.

It’s a pretty serious topic, and if you follow any of the dietary advice from conventional fitness media you may very well develop this disorder yourself.

The moment you label something as forbidden, you are f*cked, because sooner or later you will break and overeat on it.

It’s quite a contradiction when you think about it, because orthorexia in it’s essence is an unhealthy obsession over healthy food.

So instead of restricting calories, orthorexics restrict food choices that they or a perceived authority labeled as bad and unhealthy.

The whole idea of Anything Goes Diet that we preach here at Adonis Index is that you can have whatever you want.

Some people misunderstand this statement and think you can fast food 24/7.

They are missing the point.

The idea is not to eat everything you can, the idea is that if you can limit the amount to fit in your caloric plan, then you can fill it with some things that are higher in fat, sugar and salt e.g. ice cream, burger, pizza and donuts.

With this mindset you will not fall victim to labeling certain foods as bad or unhealthy and won’t develop orthorexia.

Why People Want to Eat Healthy?

The whole issue around orthorexia is that it happens in a very specific environment, in an environment that you are most likely part off.

How come that I’m so sure you are part of that environment? Well, if you weren’t you couldn’t be reading this article, because you couldn’t afford a computer or iPad.

Orthorexia is an issue that appears in modern societies where there’s an abundance of food.

There seems to be a big contrast in the food availability.

It’s pretty hard to find a country where there is  not enough food for everyone to have a balanced diet.  In most cases, people are starving  or they have an over-abundance of food (i.e. 3rd world countries vs. Europe and US).

The abundance of food coupled with our  highly modernized society influences people to live a healthier lifestyle.

Of course there is nothing wrong with that, it’s just that human nature  tends to want to take things to an extreme level.

Which raises a few questions:

What do we want to achieve with our lifestyle?

Why do we search for better choices in our lives when we can buy everything we desire?

Let’s kick off this month of uncensored with a very fundamental question.

Why do you want to eat healthy?

Just STOP and  think about it.

The answer is not simply, because you want to be healthy.

There is more to it.

Do you want to live longer?

Do you want more fulfilling life?

Do you want to be healthy so you can see your grandchildren?

What’s the reason for you to search for better options in your life? And that can ultimately lead you to developing disorders like orthorexia?

In today’s UNCENSORED training, you will also discover:

  • How a simple thing like food that has nothing to do with us and in any way was meant to define your personality, can screw you up
  • Why certain people (yes the ones in this industry) feel superiority over you, because of their diet choices
  • Why do you feel ashamed about your diet choice and what leads self-punishment and guild with your food
  • What’s in the root of people’s search for better food choices and why nutrition will never be an answer to “cheating death”
  • The truth about how people make their food preferences, it it because they want to eat those foods or because some dietitians put importance on certain items?
  • Discovering whether you function on logic or emotional belief system
  • Why tracking and testing your results matters
  • How to stop letting food destroy your relationships
  • How orthorexia is same as drugs

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Have Venus, Will Travel

Summer is here.

In the Northern hemisphere at any rate.

I also think many of our friends down south are planning on a tropical adventure to get away from the cold.  Either way it is time for parties, vacations, skimpy dresses and bikinis.

I am the self proclaimed Queen of travel.

My life revolves around adventures, work trips and catching up with friends and family. This year I will only spend about 6 months at home in Hong Kong. I will have about 4 months of adventures and 2 months of overseas based work.

Nice work if you can get it.

Right now I am writing to you from Port Douglas at the top end of the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.  I am back in Australia for a couple of weeks – work, family and adventure.

So what happens to the Venus body when travel and life gets in the way?  Why, you take the the Venus Index plan with you.

Have Venus, Will Travel.

This is a snapshot of some of my fun adventures over the past year or so.

On each one of these I took my Venus Index plan with me, I found a gym or I packed resistance bands.

I Just Did It.

No excuses girls!

The funniest was when we were sailing around the South Pacific with my brother and Roly pulled the ab wheel out of his wheelie bag.  Or maybe going to the gym in Egypt during the revolution last year.

1) Owning the Grand Canyon, USA. 2) Heli-skiing in Canada. 3) Camel riding through the Pyramids, Egypt. 4) Hiking the Silk Road, Central Asia. 5) Sailing the South Pacific, Bora Bora. 6) Mountain biking across Jordan, Middle East.

Enough of my holiday pics for now.

Here are some tips on how I keep my Every Day Venus look despite a hectic travel schedule.

Getting Ready

I think most of us want to look our best for vacation.

Especially if bikinis and summery clothes are involved.  I don’t do anything too special other than I lower calories a little and cut starchy carbs for about 2-3 days before leaving.

Just gives a little more definition. I find there is no point doing full cut.  It is too hard to maintain while travelling.

Holidays are for fun not watching every mouthful.

Working Out While Travelling

There are a couple of choices.

You can either time your holiday with a one week workout break, or just take Venus Index plan with you.  I have pretty much always found a gym everywhere in the world.

…And when I did not I took resistance bands. It may not be as good as your gym at home but it is enough.

I find on longer holidays it is possible to lose upper body muscle (and lower if you do not move much).  Roly lost inches from his shoulders while skiing this year by not keeping a little upper body exercise going.

I was ok.

It may be due to my higher muscle maturity, it seem easier to keep muscles you have had for years than new built muscle, but it’s just a theory.

I also walk a lot (or ski, ride or swim) on holidays.  This burns calories.  Just keep moving and it really does help balance out those bigger meals.

Travelling with a Diet

For me travelling and holidays always means food.

New things to taste, meals to socialise with friends and just relaxing the rules.

I use the Anything Goes Diet philosophy to the maximum and if I am not hungry I will miss a meal.

I over eat.

…but not by an insane amount.

I eat enough to make me happy, just watching portions slightly and making some good choices.

I also avoid those big grazing buffets.  Especially the hotel breakfast ones.  I never come back from holiday more than 2lb up.

I also know the foods that bloat me. It is these I limit if I am going to wearing a bikini the next day.

That simple.

But Most of All

Have fun.

Don’t stress it, even if you eat a bit much and don’t workout.

You know what to do when you get home to fix it.

As a final thought this is me in Port Douglas today.

At the gym practicing what I preach.  Also on the beach.  This is after a week eating 2000+ calories per day, when my RMR is about 1250 calories.  Still an Every Day Venus.

1) On the beach after overeating for a week. 2) About to deadlift 180lb at the gym in Port Douglas, Australia

What about you? Do you have some special techniques you use on your holidays to stay bikini ready?

Ten Thousand Ways that Won’t Work

“Ten Thousand Ways that Won’t Work…”

As I finally started finding success with my weight loss I exclaimed to my husband Randy “I can’t believe how simple this is yet I failed at it for at least 15 years!

So Randy reminded me of the quote Thomas Edison made regarding his process for inventing the light bulb:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”Thomas A. Edison

Randy and I both laughed at how I found probably the 10,000 ways how not to lose weight!   Although the victory is still sweet for me, you don’t have to take 15 years and wait until you are 50 years old like I did.

Lifelong Eating Habits Engrained

As a young child I grew up in a poor family with four siblings and a single mom who tried her hardest to care for us under extreme adversity.  This was in the 1960’s and although we lived in the land of abundance it did not always make it to our table.

This was back when bringing food stamps to the store felt shameful yet my mom held her head high and did what she could to provide for us.  I remember how she treated all the food in the refrigerator as a precious commodity.

Circa 1969, I am on the far left and that is my identical twin on the far right.

We didn’t go out to eat much and she prepared healthy meals for us and packed our school lunches.  She would get mad if we tried to skip breakfast and she was always there in the morning to cook something simple like one fried egg and a piece of toast with butter.

We didn’t have a lot of snacks.  On occasion we might get a treat and go to taco bell.  I laugh at the memory of it because there were 5 or 6 menu items to choose from, all pictured up on the overhead wall.  Looking back, I think she had it right back then.

But I also remember her making us popcorn and placing it in a big bowl in the middle of a round table. All of us kids sat around the table and scarfed it down as quickly as we could afraid that others would get more.

Overall I think this season of my life taught me to appreciate the food we had and to not mindlessly eat.

The next season of learning about food happened for me in the foster homes I lived in after that.  I was fortunate to live with a Filipino family and an Italian family who both taught me how to cook their ethnic foods.

I was always ambitious and loved to be the one who cooked dinner and receive the praise for the meal.  We prepared our food at home and going out to eat was a rare treat.   At this point I started eating more and eating seconds was encouraged in both families, but I was young enough and luckily wasn’t too chubby (yet).

This was probably where learning about food portions started becoming distorted for me.

Me at California International Marathon a while back.

Learning to Love Exercise

My first high school job was as a summer camp counselor and I decided then that I loved the outdoors and being physically active.

I started my first full time job at a high tech company during my senior year of high school. The company I worked for encouraged physical activity and the work environment was like a college campus.  There was a par course and running trail, gyms, locker rooms, showers, basketball and volley ball courts, and even a softball park.

I took an aerobics class in the campus gym when I was 19 years old and that is when I met a 50 year old instructor who had the body of a teenager.

The image of her always stuck in my mind and I decided I wanted to be like her when I was 50.

I didn’t stick with the aerobics class because it didn’t fit my schedule but I learned that music made exercise more fun.

I started running outside and lifting weights at the gym and bought my first Walkman.  Walkman’s were expensive and it was a big clunky thing that used cassette tapes and ran on double A batteries but it was well worth the investment.  It helped me look forward to exercise (If you are not feeling like working out, music will always give you that needed pump).

If you are like me then you may also hate running and even weight lifting. However, if you stick to it for some time, you will start seeing some amazing results and the positive effect exercise can have on your mood and life in general, and you WILL LOVE IT.

The Slow Weight Gain Creeping up, Sounds Familiar?

The fact that I spent my lunch hour exercising meant I had to pack my food rather than go to lunch with other employees.

For years I packed my food and ate when I could during breaks.  These were habits that serve me well today.  What I didn’t realize was that my portions were still too big and I ate too much.

I exercised hard and at one point realized I had run six miles a day, six days a week for 10 years, along with weight lifting and other physical activities.

This was in the 1980’s when eating fat free and high carb was the in thing and so I did this for many years.  The memory makes me cringe now.  All the running made me hungry and I ate too much.

I ate this way for years while running marathons and couldn’t figure out why I was not the athlete that I wanted to be.

As time went on my weight kept doing the slow creep up so I tried several popular diets which only worked temporarily and some didn’t work at all.

These were the diets I tried (if you been in involved in this industry for a while chances are you’ve tried them too):

  • Low fat high carb
  • Slim-Fast
  • Weight Watchers
  • Atkins
  • Organic
  • Weston Price Diet
  • The Schwarzbein Principle
  • Eat Fat Lose Fat
  •  The Ultimate PH Solution
  • The Makers Diet
  • A  friends diet from a personal trainer/dietician

I finally just got sick of it all and made up my own diet with healthy foods I enjoy and smaller portions.

I ate my meals from small desert plates and bowls.  I stopped eating in the evenings.  I started calling what I did mini-meals and mini-fasts and I lost 40 lbs.  Then I found Eat Stop Eat, The Venus Index Workout, and the Venus Index Community.

I recently read the Anything Goes Diet.  I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in losing weight or maintaining fitness.  I found this book to be amazingly insightful and John Barban covers all bases.  Honestly the book is so good that I can’t see how you wouldn’t succeed if you actually read the book and followed the principles.  It gave me some new ideas for my own maintenance plan.

Even though we still have so much diet confusion and conflicting advice in the media it seems like the simple truth is buried there, eat less, move more.

Here are some examples where the truth does exist in sometimes humorous ways.  I do not necessarily agree with everything in these articles but you can see some points of truth:

After attempting various diets and eating restrictions over the years I have learned to cherry pick from them and found what works for me.  Some days I temporarily change things up and eat low carb or try something different.

Still, my all-time favorite books about thinking of successful ways to eat are John Barban’s Anything Goes Diet, Brad Pilon’s Eat Stop Eat, and Bethenny Frankel’s “Naturally Thin”.

 

Before and After.  The slowly the weight crept up year after year, but the Venus Factor gives you hope.

Before and After.  Slowly the weight crept up year after year, but the Venus Factor gives you hope.

Don’t get Discouraged by Failures

Don’t get discouraged by failures.

Every successful person has failures and part of why they are successful is that they learn from their mistakes.

It is just like Thomas Edison inventing the light bulb.  You don’t have to reinvent the light bulb or the wheel.

The tools are right here right now.  Using the available tools may not stop you from all your mistakes, but you can keep your chin up and learn from them.  Most likely these tools will prevent some wasted effort and you won’t have to wait until you are 50 years old to achieve your dream.

If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.

Thomas A. Edison, Encyclopedia Britannica

US inventor (1847 – 1931)

Since you don’t have to learn the 10,000 ways how not to lose weight like I did, what are you waiting for?

It is never too late to follow your dreams!

-Ro

Transformation Is a Family Affair! Part 2

My gorgeous tween daughter today
My gorgeous tween daughter today

This is the conclusion of a blog post from last week. If you haven’t already read Part 1, please catch up here: Transformation is a Family Affair!

For those of you who have Venus Index Community access, there are quite a few comments being shared about Part 1 as well as some blog posts where members delve into their relationship with their mother while growing up as it pertains to the topics of body image, self-esteem, and transformation.

Here Are Some Highlights of the Ongoing Discussion:

  • We face new challenges in this modern age, some of which our own experience did not prepare us for.
  • The media plays a key role in developing body image, especially teen, fitness and fashion magazines.
  • Many kids use food to self soothe and/or eat mindlessly.
  • Anything can set a child off on a possible path to disordered eating. It might just be a passing comment. This is more true for girls but applies to boys as well.
  • Addressing a child’s body weight issue is a difficult conversation which some parents are unwilling or unable to take on, even if the child repeatedly asked for help.
  • Some difficult topics can be made less uncomfortable by doing things such as discussing while driving or doing the dishes.
  • Beginning these conversations is important so underlying issues can be allowed to surface. It is a process.
  • While we know there is a genetic ideal for adults, we are not so clear on what the truth of the matter is for children. How do we even know for sure if our child has an issue that needs to be addressed?
  • Simply telling a child that they are fat or eat too much is not helpful. Adults barely understand how to work through the process of reducing body fat in a safe manner. A child needs patient guidance and ongoing support given in a loving and non-critical manner.
  • Women who grew up during the 1970s and before remember a time when it was “normal” to constantly “diet”. Perhaps some of the methods were not ideal but there is a lesson in there; we were indeed thinner. If periodically dieting is what it takes to maintain that for some of us, what could possibly be wrong with that? Ideally, learning to minimize periods of weight gain is the ultimate goal but until that is mastered, getting back on course through a mini-diet as soon as required is a healthy approach to maintaining an ideal weight.
  • With the bulk of adults now overweight or obese, guiding our children has become quite the challenge. How can we teach what we do not ourselves know?
  • Some of us come through childhood with the disadvantage of having been led astray by parents who just didn’t have emotional maturity about their own self-image and, intentionally or not, did emotional damage to their kids. Be kind to yourself if you find you need to overcome and heal childhood wounds. That may be a lifelong process but it does not mean you need to repeat the same mistakes that were made. Also, as above, simply communicating with your children even about your mistakes goes a long way.
  • Be careful using food as a manipulator/drug/healer/reward! Yes, we do sometimes all need to sit down to a big old tub of ice cream or plate of cookies or know we’re loved because we got lasagna on our birthday, but just think carefully when you are dealing with a developing child who is developing associations.
  • When judging your parents, know that they had their own issues with their parents. Know too that you won’t possibly do everything perfectly. Forgiveness and compassion go a long way, especially towards yourself!
  • Children do not get the same portion size as adults! (This was a big eye-opener for me!)
  • Other cultures do still nip the problem in the bud by having children diet, something that has come to be considered dangerous in North America.

Last week, I was discussing how my older daughter came to my husband and me asking for help getting leaner. She had begun to perceive herself as fat. At the same time, my younger daughter who has always been very lean has some issues we need to guide her through including being willing to try more foods, eat a balanced diet, and eat enough around activities such as socializing and gymnastics.

My husband and I have stayed up into the wee hours discussing how to preserve and nurture our older daughter’s delicate self-esteem while empowering her to gently shift her ways of eating and moving her body towards a life-long habit of both physical and emotional health.

We have been forthcoming with her about the methods we used to achieve our results and also open about our ignorance of what she as a child should safely do.

Lifting weights?

Perhaps not yet.

Caloric restriction?

Perhaps minimal.

The goal has never been a 12 week transformation. The most important goal has always been education and safe, gradual improvement both internally and externally. Physical and emotional health are what parents want for their children.

But is it taboo to say we’d be happy to help take it further if and when she is interested?

The bottom line is we are in charge of her health and she is in charge of her body.

The VI and AI ratios have helped us to finally understand not only what look is most attractive, it’s also the genetic ideal. In other words, if the body is used and treated ideally, this is the shape it takes on.

So part of our education process can be helping her understand what she is capable of and helping her understand why she is still unsatisfied with what she has achieved to date. Just as I am teaching my daughters how to work with their hair (curly hair has a steep learning curve) and how to put together flattering outfits, I am also there to help them understand how to achieve their most flattering figure.

The difference here is she leads, we follow. Because she is now feeling very proud of the progress she has made in the last few years, we are careful not to jeopardize her developing self-confidence. If and when she wants to take it further, we are there to help explain the concepts.

One day last week was very hectic so a pizza on the run was the plan for dinner. My older daughter said to her dad, “Hey, we’d better eat a very light breakfast and lunch since we’re having pizza later.” How cool that she has begun to responsibility for how much she eats while still checking in and continuing to learn.

You Are Both the Parent and the Coach

When did it become taboo to tell a child not to eat right before dinner, that vegetables are as critical to health as is sufficient protein or that perhaps cheese is not the best snack but rather something that should be enjoyed in limited quantities?

Without controlling what she chooses to eat, we have regular discussions about nutrition and let her make her own choices.

My gorgeous tween daughter today

My gorgeous tween daughter today

Over time, her choices constantly improve.

The flip-side of this is we don’t force our girls to choke down meals we decided they should eat. Everyone has their own tastes and we honor this and play to their strengths without capitulating to a junk food diet.

If it’s not in the house, it’s not going to be eaten all the time.

If they want an occasional treat, we’re usually up for going out and getting it.

The thing is, now that we’re not bringing multiple pints of ice cream and take out pizzas into the house so often, they gradually stopped asking so much. We did at first explain that we needed to have less of these things as we were cutting down.

Now that we have let these foods back into our life on a more regular basis, we are all more in control. Friday night tends to be treat night around here and that feels fun.

You Must Parent Each Child Uniquely

Although I attempt to get my younger daughter to try new things, I understand that it is not always possible for her to eat food items that she finds abhorrent. I still remember simply not being able to choke down most of what was served to me during my childhood. The difference is I was expected to eat what I was served and was made to feel wrong for not liking it. While it’s easy sometimes to understand this pattern of thinking, especially when the meal really is quite delicious, I have to respect her tastes.

I have invested significant time and effort into trying to get her to be honest about her current likes and dislikes and we talk about being willing to taste new things more than once to be sure that she truly doesn’t care for the item right now.

We also talk about not dismissing a plate based upon looks.

I do strive to add visual appeal for her sake, something I’d never bothered with before. And I don’t hop up and fix a whole new meal.

She knows that if she rejects what I’m serving, I’m going to sit and enjoy the meal I’ve lovingly prepared and she can either wait or fix herself a healthy snack.

We also don’t try to control her small appetite which used to cause us such concern.

We have grown to love that she knows when to stop eating.

Sort of…

She will actually eat far more than her share of treats! Luckily, access to unlimited treats is pretty rare.

We do not ever demand she finish what I arbitrarily portioned onto her plate. We also sometimes need to make certain she actually does eat, like before gymnastics which she does 3 days a week for 3 hours at a time. And we have to jump through a few hoops to get her to eat enough protein.

Her tastes are a moving target and while I do not want to coddle her, I also don’t want to have a resentful atmosphere. Also, I trust that as she matures, so will her tastes.

We notice her attitude and strength are affected when she goes without food for too long.

So for the sake of our sanity, sometimes we simply must insist she eat!

We try to keep that to a minimum and we always explain the circumstances.

On her rest days, she can do without food for hours.

It’s all good.

How refreshing to have let this battle of wills go!

What issues are you dealing with?

Because I have not been free to discuss this taboo subject openly, finding my way has been an iterative process of learning about how healthy adult human bodies work, mostly from the Venus Index Uncensored Podcasts, and then relying heavily on intuition when applying these teachings to my children.

Does anything in this resonate with you?

Or irk you?

Let’s hear it!

Transformation is a Family Affair!

You Become Those with Whom You Associate

Just as you are the sum of the people closest to you, you and your family members influence one another both now and in the future.

Today, I’ll talk about how our children are affected by how moms treat and view their own bodies as well as how they relate to their daughters. As I am female and have daughters, this will be slanted towards mothers and daughters.

My beautiful girls before I began my transformation

My beautiful girls before I began my transformation

Mothers and Daughters Have a Special Relationship

Your mother’s influence shapes you well past childhood.

In listening to the Venus Index podcasts, I’ve noticed this theme a number of times. Some of the contest winners reveal in their interviews that their mother started discussing dieting when they were very young. Others, myself included, are concerned with helping our daughters grow up to be a healthy size and maintain excellent self-esteem.

How do you predict the future results of actions taken today?

Clearly moms have the best intentions but it doesn’t always come out the way we’d hoped.

Here are a few interviews where the moms discuss how transformation is a family affair.

My mother made a brave effort to overcome the misconceptions and poor body image her mother bestowed upon her: a super human effort, really, considering how she was raised.

She unintentionally led me astray with some misconceptions about appropriate measurements; she taught me that measurements didn’t correspond to height so I always assumed I should have the exact same measurements as a much shorter woman.

It wasn’t until I discovered Venus Index that I found out that ideal measurements are directly linked to height. She also led me to believe food was something over which we had no control.

I grew up in a home with a locked box and learned to binge and sneak food very early on. I was forced to choke down abhorrent meals that someone else deemed suitable (or sneak them into the trash when everyone finally gave up waiting for me to finish) and was the self-pronounced “World’s Pickiest Eater” until well into my teens.

As women, as daughters, as mothers, we are aware and noticed perhaps more than men. While mothers wish the best for their daughters, there are always choices to be made and it can be decades before how we did is revealed. As my mother did, I tried to learn from the mistakes of the previous generation.

We are all, hopefully, doing the best we can.

Stealth Fat Loss: Is It Possible? Is It Right?

In Elisa’s case, she felt it was the best choice to go stealth with the methods she was using to reduce body fat.

After checking in with herself, she realized that it was actually best to be honest and forthcoming. While her son was apparently indifferent, her daughter was happy to have this topic brought into the light because she had indeed observed what was going on and not discussed.

Like Elisa, I have had to tread carefully on this topic.

While we do not necessarily need to share every aspect of our adult lives with our children, nor would it be to their benefit, to what extent is it wise to keep a process such as a physical transformation from them?

  • How does our transformation process affect those to whom we are close, regardless of whether we are open and forthcoming, or not?
  • How does our own attitude about the process affect our daughters?
  • How did our mothers’ attitudes about their bodies and relationship with food affect ours?

I would argue that these issues are critical to shaping who girls become as women and being honest and open will only serve to help our daughters in the long run.

As someone who is always checking out to the long-term repercussions, I thought it would be wise to check in with friends.

It turns out this is a VERY touchy area indeed.

Many women are struggling with body image issues stemming from decisions their parents made in the best interest of their kids, or so they believed, decades ago.

I have never been shut down so quickly on any topic!

I’d add discussing the weight of girls to religion, politics and money as taboo!

Yet I persevere!

The research I did was no more enlightening. All I learned was that growing bodies need calories but no one is quite sure how many and that during the years a girl is developing into a woman and starting to menstruate it is no time to even consider doing anything so risky as cutting calories.

All the online calorie tracking software is for adults. It seems that if you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having a child who wants to slim down, and who should, you are going to have to go it alone. (As a side note, as women, we are also informed that during pregnancy and nursing it is not safe to consider cutting calories. Again, most people do not want to risk touching this subject.)

You Can’t Control Your Children, You Can Only Influence Them

When I became a mother, I was shocked to find myself unable to control my older daughter’s weight.

It didn’t help that I didn’t yet have the right information. When I was informed by a doctor at her 5th birthday checkup that she had an “excess of adipose tissue” and that I should cut the junk food, I was not amused. While it was clear to me that she was overweight, she’s never actually eaten junk food and it was so much harder than the idealistic mother of imaginary children that I used to be could ever have foreseen to reduce her body fat.

It certainly did not help that I had also become fat and exhausted and was still operating under the misconception that exercise was the key to fatloss. I felt a total failure as a parent since I didn’t have the energy to move with her and I did know enough to realize I needed to set the example.

Lead by Example

Sure enough, when I started incorporating exercise into our lives on a regular basis, my husband and kids indeed followed suit!

So great, right?

Only the unfortunate results were underwhelming. As our diets did not address our caloric overages, we didn’t get where I expected. Also, I noticed both flattering and not so flattering mirrors of my actions.

Some of my earlier diet attempts before I got the right information involved cheat days.

These quickly turned into a full-blown family fiasco!

Once I began calorie counting, my daughter was very interested and I was at a loss as to what to tell her. The most important message I could give her is that she is beautiful and that I love her, right?

But on the flipside, dishonesty does not serve and I have to admit I wanted to find a way to support her to safely slim down while still growing.

How do you answer your daughter truthfully when she asks if she is fat?

What do you do about the series of emotions visible on your face before answering, “You’re beautiful and I love you”?

She noticed, of course.

How could she not?

She is female and we know from an early age the importance of appearance.

Does she dismiss your answer?

Is it best to say more or leave it at that?

What do you do when your daughter announces that she is fat.

How do you help and guide her when she sees that you are making changes and she asks you what she can do to change her body?

Being Lean Is Not the Only Goal!

It’s not all roses with my younger daughter, by the way.

Although she is naturally lean and strong, she could give me a run for my money for that “World’s Pickiest Eater” title. I thought she’d outgrow it. She will announce that she’s “not hungry” one bite into a meal.

We notice her attitude and strength are affected when she goes without food for too long.

Well meaning friends and family often commented on her eating habits and how “skinny” she was. I used to spend endless hours worrying over how little she ate (keep in mind my reference points were my husband, myself, and my older daughter, and all three of us were growing increasingly more overweight) and constantly trying to tempt her into eating more. This made mealtimes generally unpleasant.  I am old enough to remember when nearly all children where her size so I am somewhat ashamed to have capitulated to peer pressure in this regard.

So what’s next?

Obviously, we have made significant progress in the last four years. In the next installment, I will discuss how my husband and I were able to help our older daughter achieve her goals in a safe and sustainable way while preserving her self-esteem not just now, but hopefully, for the rest of her life. I will also discuss how we have learned to embrace the brilliant eating habits of our younger daughter while at the same time learning from the example she sets.

Are you with me?

Does anything in you’ve just read resonate with you?

Or irk you?

Let’s hear it!

 

Is your Nutra-Neurosis Ruining Your Relationship with Food?

If this is how you view food then you've got some work to do

Forget the old adage ‘sex sells’, in this new age of diet and nutrition it is fear that sells.

Nutrition and eating right is no longer about making the right choice, it’s about the fear of making the wrong choice.

We’ve become stressed and anxious about making food choices. And because we make food choices all day long, this has become a chronic anxiety. Sadly, it is this anxiety that the mainstream media constantly tries to channel.

Tips on how to eat healthy are no longer about eating right, they’ve become a guide to not eating wrong.

You can see it in headlines of most nutrition articles. You never see “Are you doing these 4 things right?”, instead it’s always “Are you making these 4 mistakes?”, or “Are these 4 mistakes sabotaging your weight loss?”

I am the author of a best selling e-book on the benefits of intermittent fasting (Eat Stop Eat). The majority of the concerns people have over intermittent fasting isn’t whether or not it will work, it’s whether or not it’s considered ‘doing something wrong’.

We’ve become paranoid about health and nutrition, about cancer, about hormones in or food, in how our food affects our leptin, or insulin, or testosterone. We are afraid of our food and our food decisions. And this fear is exhausting.

Oddly enough, it is this fear, worry and anxiety that actually drives us to over eat.

There is mounting evidence to suggest that our nutra-neurosis (yes, I made that term up) is contributing to our weight gain and our fractured view of healthy eating.

In other words our attempt at a cure may be worse than the poison.

Our anxiety and stress leads to us attempting to gain control or at least grasp at it. And more often than not control means lists and charts. Specifically, it means lists of good foods and bad foods.

In research we call this ‘restrained eating’.

Restrained eating is when you consciously avoid certain foods or food groups. Right away I should note that this is different from simple caloric restriction. In fact the two have very little in common.

Caloric Restriction is eating less (of any food); Restraining Eating is labelling some foods as ‘forbidden’ or ‘bad’

Restrained eating is associated with increased stress and anxiety over the foods you choose to eat. Surprisingly it is also an incredibly effective method for short-term weight loss.

Unfortunately, research also indicates that the more foods you designate as bad or forbidden (or the more restrained you are) the more likely you are to crack, crash and binge after eating one of those foods.

Setting up an extensive list of forbidden foods may be a way to find short-term weight loss, but it is not a tool for weight maintenance or a satisfying relationship with food. It’s a recipe for increased anxiety, neurosis and obsessive-compulsive disorders and never being truly in control of your eating.

It’s also a great way to watch your weight spiral out of control, despite your almost neurotic attempts to control what you eat.

Instead, you should be striving to eliminate the stress and anxiety from your approach to foods.

Do you have "Nutra-Neurosis"?

Worry and anxiety are not ‘keys’ to weight loss. If anything they are weight gain enablers and diet destroyers. They are also most likely far worse for your health than that bowl of ice cream you are stressing over.

So stress less over doing things wrong and concentrate on doing things right. I know it sounds like I’m playing with words, but your approach and mindset matters.

Try to slowly move away from the idea of forbidden food lists and instead think of foods you eat more often, less often, and very infrequently.

This way all foods have their place, none are ‘bad’, and you can enjoy them without guilt.

The truth is weight loss and eating healthy will never be some mind-blowing genius nutrition trick. It will always be a matter of clearing out the clutter of competing ideas and focusing on the one thing that truly makes a difference – The amount you eat.

Eating properly does take an understanding of when you like to eat and what you like to eat, but just as important is the patience to wait for these opportunities to occur.

And really, just a little patience – a slight pause – is all most of us need to realize “I don’t need this”, or “I can wait until dinner” or even “I can wait until tomorrow – I’ve had enough today”.

Do not deny yourself the foods you love. Just learn when to eat them and how much to eat.  And please remember – weight loss and eating healthy doesn’t have to hurt.

The goal should not be to suffer for your dietary indiscretions. The goal should be to have the body you want while still eating the foods you want.  Because the stress and anxiety is almost always worse than the food you are craving.

The goal is to make other people think you are getting way with murder.  To be the person who can ‘eat whatever they want and still lose weight’? Go ahead be the one they gossip about when you’re not around.

Ditch the neurosis and stress. Stop letting food decisions be a source of exhaustion.

Lose weight and have a croissant? You betcha. You can do it.

 

Brad

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