Transformation is a Family Affair!

You Become Those with Whom You Associate

Just as you are the sum of the people closest to you, you and your family members influence one another both now and in the future.

Today, I’ll talk about how our children are affected by how moms treat and view their own bodies as well as how they relate to their daughters. As I am female and have daughters, this will be slanted towards mothers and daughters.

My beautiful girls before I began my transformation

My beautiful girls before I began my transformation

Mothers and Daughters Have a Special Relationship

Your mother’s influence shapes you well past childhood.

In listening to the Venus Index podcasts, I’ve noticed this theme a number of times. Some of the contest winners reveal in their interviews that their mother started discussing dieting when they were very young. Others, myself included, are concerned with helping our daughters grow up to be a healthy size and maintain excellent self-esteem.

How do you predict the future results of actions taken today?

Clearly moms have the best intentions but it doesn’t always come out the way we’d hoped.

Here are a few interviews where the moms discuss how transformation is a family affair.

My mother made a brave effort to overcome the misconceptions and poor body image her mother bestowed upon her: a super human effort, really, considering how she was raised.

She unintentionally led me astray with some misconceptions about appropriate measurements; she taught me that measurements didn’t correspond to height so I always assumed I should have the exact same measurements as a much shorter woman.

It wasn’t until I discovered Venus Index that I found out that ideal measurements are directly linked to height. She also led me to believe food was something over which we had no control.

I grew up in a home with a locked box and learned to binge and sneak food very early on. I was forced to choke down abhorrent meals that someone else deemed suitable (or sneak them into the trash when everyone finally gave up waiting for me to finish) and was the self-pronounced “World’s Pickiest Eater” until well into my teens.

As women, as daughters, as mothers, we are aware and noticed perhaps more than men. While mothers wish the best for their daughters, there are always choices to be made and it can be decades before how we did is revealed. As my mother did, I tried to learn from the mistakes of the previous generation.

We are all, hopefully, doing the best we can.

Stealth Fat Loss: Is It Possible? Is It Right?

In Elisa’s case, she felt it was the best choice to go stealth with the methods she was using to reduce body fat.

After checking in with herself, she realized that it was actually best to be honest and forthcoming. While her son was apparently indifferent, her daughter was happy to have this topic brought into the light because she had indeed observed what was going on and not discussed.

Like Elisa, I have had to tread carefully on this topic.

While we do not necessarily need to share every aspect of our adult lives with our children, nor would it be to their benefit, to what extent is it wise to keep a process such as a physical transformation from them?

  • How does our transformation process affect those to whom we are close, regardless of whether we are open and forthcoming, or not?
  • How does our own attitude about the process affect our daughters?
  • How did our mothers’ attitudes about their bodies and relationship with food affect ours?

I would argue that these issues are critical to shaping who girls become as women and being honest and open will only serve to help our daughters in the long run.

As someone who is always checking out to the long-term repercussions, I thought it would be wise to check in with friends.

It turns out this is a VERY touchy area indeed.

Many women are struggling with body image issues stemming from decisions their parents made in the best interest of their kids, or so they believed, decades ago.

I have never been shut down so quickly on any topic!

I’d add discussing the weight of girls to religion, politics and money as taboo!

Yet I persevere!

The research I did was no more enlightening. All I learned was that growing bodies need calories but no one is quite sure how many and that during the years a girl is developing into a woman and starting to menstruate it is no time to even consider doing anything so risky as cutting calories.

All the online calorie tracking software is for adults. It seems that if you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having a child who wants to slim down, and who should, you are going to have to go it alone. (As a side note, as women, we are also informed that during pregnancy and nursing it is not safe to consider cutting calories. Again, most people do not want to risk touching this subject.)

You Can’t Control Your Children, You Can Only Influence Them

When I became a mother, I was shocked to find myself unable to control my older daughter’s weight.

It didn’t help that I didn’t yet have the right information. When I was informed by a doctor at her 5th birthday checkup that she had an “excess of adipose tissue” and that I should cut the junk food, I was not amused. While it was clear to me that she was overweight, she’s never actually eaten junk food and it was so much harder than the idealistic mother of imaginary children that I used to be could ever have foreseen to reduce her body fat.

It certainly did not help that I had also become fat and exhausted and was still operating under the misconception that exercise was the key to fatloss. I felt a total failure as a parent since I didn’t have the energy to move with her and I did know enough to realize I needed to set the example.

Lead by Example

Sure enough, when I started incorporating exercise into our lives on a regular basis, my husband and kids indeed followed suit!

So great, right?

Only the unfortunate results were underwhelming. As our diets did not address our caloric overages, we didn’t get where I expected. Also, I noticed both flattering and not so flattering mirrors of my actions.

Some of my earlier diet attempts before I got the right information involved cheat days.

These quickly turned into a full-blown family fiasco!

Once I began calorie counting, my daughter was very interested and I was at a loss as to what to tell her. The most important message I could give her is that she is beautiful and that I love her, right?

But on the flipside, dishonesty does not serve and I have to admit I wanted to find a way to support her to safely slim down while still growing.

How do you answer your daughter truthfully when she asks if she is fat?

What do you do about the series of emotions visible on your face before answering, “You’re beautiful and I love you”?

She noticed, of course.

How could she not?

She is female and we know from an early age the importance of appearance.

Does she dismiss your answer?

Is it best to say more or leave it at that?

What do you do when your daughter announces that she is fat.

How do you help and guide her when she sees that you are making changes and she asks you what she can do to change her body?

Being Lean Is Not the Only Goal!

It’s not all roses with my younger daughter, by the way.

Although she is naturally lean and strong, she could give me a run for my money for that “World’s Pickiest Eater” title. I thought she’d outgrow it. She will announce that she’s “not hungry” one bite into a meal.

We notice her attitude and strength are affected when she goes without food for too long.

Well meaning friends and family often commented on her eating habits and how “skinny” she was. I used to spend endless hours worrying over how little she ate (keep in mind my reference points were my husband, myself, and my older daughter, and all three of us were growing increasingly more overweight) and constantly trying to tempt her into eating more. This made mealtimes generally unpleasant.  I am old enough to remember when nearly all children where her size so I am somewhat ashamed to have capitulated to peer pressure in this regard.

So what’s next?

Obviously, we have made significant progress in the last four years. In the next installment, I will discuss how my husband and I were able to help our older daughter achieve her goals in a safe and sustainable way while preserving her self-esteem not just now, but hopefully, for the rest of her life. I will also discuss how we have learned to embrace the brilliant eating habits of our younger daughter while at the same time learning from the example she sets.

Are you with me?

Does anything in you’ve just read resonate with you?

Or irk you?

Let’s hear it!

 

3 Weeks to go in VT5 12-Week Transformation Contest

There is only 3 weeks to go in the VT5 12 week contest. The past 9 weeks have probably felt like they flew by, and the next 3 are probably going to feel like a grind, and thats normal.

The finish line is in sight.

 

The finish line is now in sight, and at this point some people feel like they need to try harder to make more happen. Don’t fall for this sort of thinking. Consistency from one day to the next is the key for the contest and that doesn’t change now.

It doesn’t matter how smooth or not so smooth your path to this point has been, all you have to do is stay on plan and make these last 3 weeks your best 3 weeks.

Take some pictures right now and try to recognize things you can address in the next 3 weeks. This would include posing, posture, tanning, lighting (if you’re not booking a full on photoshoot). This can help you decide where to put some attention over the next few weeks to present your best look.

Final contest submission pictures, measurements, and essay are due by Sunday Aug 12 at midnight EST. You can submit at any time durning the week leading up to Sunday Aug 12th. Submission is through the contest dashboard where you uploaded your ‘before’ pictures and measurements.

Special not for the 20 week competition.

Those people interested in competing in the 20 week competition can submit pictures for the 12 week competition and continue on for the remaining 8 weeks. You will be eligible for placing in both competitions.

Those of you interested in submitting pictures to be on the VI calendar – we will be accepting pictures throughout the year whenever you’re ready. Transformation pictures are also eligible to get on the calendar.

Next monday we will be back to our regularly scheduled interviews.

John

 

Your Goal, Your Choice

The path to success is seldom easy.  It is not always straightforward, there are often roadblocks and damn it, you always have to work harder than you want to.  But with trial and error, and with time, knowledge and experience comes wisdom.

The wisdom of knowing the right route for you, of understanding the tradeoff on personal cost versus outcome, and also knowing that nothing lasts forever……unless you want it to.

This is me in March 2012 doing what I do best……double black diamond moguls

With the Venus program we have a blueprint for success but we also have a choice, the choice of our own goal.

We all see success differently – is it being a defined muscle chick, is it maintaining an awesome bikini body every day or is it an amazing transformation for your wedding day?  In my transformation journey one of the hardest things has been to understand and be true to my goals.  Not the ‘I want to lose body fat and be at my Venus metrics for a competition’ goal.  More the how do I want to look every day, how do I achieve and maintain this.

This is where I live.

I also have a busy life, a life where I need a functional body.  I do a lot of full on out door activities.

…Skiing, hiking, mountain biking.

My body needs to be able to perform.

I have been on this Venus journey for about 18 months now.  I achieved my Venus metrics during the VT1 competition and have spent the past 15-16 months in various states of maintenance.  It has been a quite a journey and it has taken quite some time for me to be comfortable with my own body shape goals.

Initially my goals were a little fuzzy.  I wanted less fat and more muscle.  Something like a fitness model.  Then as I started to transform and was able to see the raw clay I had to play with I was able to get more specific.  However that was when the Axis of Evil, The Trinity of Terror, The Cult of the Obsessed showed up.

Otherwise known as the hijackers, the terrorists and the fundamentalists.

Goal Hijackers

When we transform ourselves physically, everyone has an opinion.  They have opinions on the process, on our look and even on our sanity.

Mostly we can sort the useful from the mundane. But what happens when we allow the goals of other people that we respect to become our own?

As humans we measure things through relativity.

How do I look compared to you?

How heavy did I Iift this month compared to last month?

I am particularly susceptible to goal-oriented challenges.  I want to share a couple of examples of how I let myself be derailed this past year.  I have always been clear that my goal is to be an every day Venus.

For me this means being bikini ready, and while I highly admire it in others, not being a muscle chick.

In an attempt to get to incredibly low body fat I kept pushing low calories, fasting and depleting.  We had a number of mini challenges in the community to really push on the fat loss.

This would have been fine if I had more to lose but I managed to get myself down to 98lb, at just a shade under 5’4” (161.5 cm).  I was all bones and skin.  I did not have the muscle to support this look, in fact I would say I lost muscle in this attempt at achieving ripped abs.

I will say this openly, I DID NOT LOOK GOOD.

Last year I leant to lift heavy.  I realised that for most of my life I had been lifting seriously too light to get awesome results.  The Venus program and the community taught me to lift.  However being a very goal oriented person this quickly became a personal challenge for PBs (Personal Bests).  I started collecting the PBs of experienced lifters and I went right ahead and did it.  Someone would mention a 250lb deadlift……so I worked on that one and achieved it.

I felt great, I was blasting out PBs most weeks but my body responded by really pumping up in the legs. To the point I did not like my look.  Kind of obvious this would happen but I was stuck between the look I wanted and a serious drive to go get PBs.  It took a while but I backed off the PBs, reversed out the legs and I am much happier.

The Friend & Family “Terrorists”

 These are the well-meaning friends and family.  We hope they will be our biggest supporters but often times their motives are unclear as our transformation challenges their perception of themselves.  Many times they do not like what they see, in us and in themselves.  They can try to undermine our transformation.

It may be through comments about getting too thin.

Or offering us known trigger foods, and pushing us to eat it.  In little ways they can derail our effort.  It is tough to manage this as these people are important to us and what they say can be very hurtful.  It feels impolite to refuse their advice and food.

Standing up for your beliefs and goals is your right and your choice.  We all have to split our nearest and dearest into the camps of supporters, terrorists, and do not care.  Just be aware, be covert when you need to be, and do not expect support.  Remember, you cannot negotiate with a terrorist.

The Fundamentalists

The people who hold very strong beliefs about eating every 2 hours, or only precise macronutrient ratios.  Who believe that only a certain exercise style is optimal, that their way is right and hence everyone else is wrong.

Often times these beliefs have very little scientific basis but if it works for you, then that is great.

For many of us all these messages, the hope for a little magic beyond ‘eat less, exercise more’ is compelling.

The Goldilocks Series: Too thin, a little beefy, and just right. These are my every day happy snaps on the beach – no fasting, no flexing, no make up and a point then click camera.

I am definitely a recovering orthorexic.

I spent a number of years becoming increasing obsessed with low carb, eating frequently, managing macronutrient ratios, counting calories and timing carbs to workouts.  This may work for some but the net result for me was putting on weight.

Getting fatter despite all my effort.  It has taken quite a while to build new (well old) habits but I have gone back to my old instinctive styles of eating.  I eat mostly what I want but only when I am hungry and I manage the portions.

For me this is freedom.

This truly is “anything goes” diet.

We all have our own goals.

These are what you want and they do not need to conform to anyone else’s idea of great.

This is your choice but we all have a confusing array of respected advice, not so expert opinions, science, junk science and emotional triggers to sort through.  Just be clear about what you want.

Own your goal.

Mastering Martial Arts Doesn’t Mean You’ll Build a Great Body

Today we have an interview with Judy Rabil who placed 6th in our  latest Venus Index Transformation Contest.

Check out her pictures:

Remember, you are supposed to enjoy this!

Judy spent an entire decade doing martial arts. She also trained bodybuilding and powerlifting style with her sister. Her approach was to first learn to stabilize the joints, then work on the strength followed by developing explosive power.

She naturally has great endurance, but very little strength, however, her sister was stronger than anyone she knew. She was so powerful that all the guys in the gym felt weak when they saw Judy’s sister, and Judy was often intimidated by her. On the other hand when it came to cardio she could go run a marathon, while her sister could barely run a mile.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

When her sister got injured and was unable to work out,  Judy also stopped training because her sister was her coach.

Judy decided to focus on Martial Arts without the supplement of strength training. She was intimated to go the gym on her own, her coach just wasn’t there with her anymore and she wasn’t ready to go it alone.

However, she started getting injured during her martial arts workouts (broken bones and tendons) and felt terrible.

One day she decided to stop, she walked out and never went back.

“Then I Found Venus Index Podcasts at iTunes…”

Before, Judy would wake up  and go to bed in pain. At no point during the day did she experience relief. This is a terrible way to live, and if you can relate, you should continue reading and listen to her interview.

Judy is in her 40s and truth be told, at this age your body just doesn’t heal as quickly as it did in your teens and twenties.

In January 2008 she slowly made her way back to the gym, which was pretty hard because she was conditioned (for well over 10 years) to exercise with other people, never alone. Upon her return to the gym scene, she fell in love with yoga and the group setting of it all, but found out that she just couldn’t do the same routines over and over again even though they were perfectly balanced.

Then she saw the VI podcasts at iTunes and specifically one called “Overestimating calories” caught her attention.

Judy always thought that she burned plenty of calories during her workouts and never limited what she ate. Since she was doing a LOT of activity she believed she could get away with eating ice cream and fries whenever she wanted.

So when she stopped doing all her fitness activities, and her calorie intake remained the same, you can guess what the result was – weight gain.

At that point she felt miserable.

And it didn’t help that she thought (and was always told by her sister) that she needs to eat, often and a lot. She was lead to believe that she needs to eat snacks, pre-workout and post-workout meals, because they are all necessary.

This is why she got a bit angry when she heard Barban saying that this approach is nuts and that you don’t need to eat at all and actually you should eat very little to begin with.

Although Judy was very insecure about her diet,  she slowly realized she should and actually even COULD eat way less than she was used to, and that it’s okay to eat half of a candy bar and then throw the other half away; furthermore, she doesn’t have to eat in the morning if she doesn’t want to.

Then another surprise came with the Venus Index workout plans.

She was always used to do bodybuilding splits and performing them at very low repetitions.

Suddenly, she wasn’t doing any leg presses, pull ups, dips with chains; no more power movements.

At first it made her a bit concerned that the workout wouldn’t work for her, because she is simply not doing enough work.

However, despite her skepticism she gave it a shot.

She did the program exactly as it was written,held onto some  yoga and some spinning routines and  committed to training 7 days a week.

During phase 1 of VI she got sick, had no energy and felt bloated. Even though she was following VI workouts, with all the other activities she was doing way too much.

She told us that she felt like her gut was on fire and she was pregnant again.

Then her doctor told her that she is completely gluten intolerant and will have severe reactions to wheat.

For 6 weeks she couldn’t do anything.

After she got better, she made a choice to take a more healthy and stable approach.

She started with VI phase 2, started fasting with a friend from the VI community and avoided the foods that were causing the bad reactions.

Want to know how it affected her lifestyle and what are the life results of that whole transformation?

Go listen to the interview below this article to find out!

Tips from Judy:
  • Everybody has her unique look at the same metrics
  • Figure out what physical activity makes you hungry and figure out how much you can do without overeating afterwards
  • You don’t have to do it alone, just join the Venus Index Community
  • Don’t be afraid to mix the VI workouts, they are designed to be mixed and matched and ‘lego blocked’
  • There are no rules, just boundaries and you have to function within them
  • Have fun with it and don’t beat yourself up over small ‘screw ups’ (we all screw up from time to time)
  • Don’t ever look at it as any form of punishment or self-sabotage, you are supposed to enjoy it
  • Do various rep ranges as described in the VI workout plans
  • Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t eat something
Links from the interview:
Read Judy’s experience with Venus Index in her own words:

I started VI a little over a year ago.  I was around 168 lbs, a size 12 and pushing the edge of “average” and looking dumpy square in the eye.  I suffered from undiagnosed digestive issues, I regularly paid for bootcamp classes, I did one or two spin classes a week and walked my dogs.  Even though I wasn’t falling into the “Obese” category, I was getting close…Continue reading here

Listen to the interview here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

How to Sharpen your Sword and Win the Battle

Sharpen your sword first and prepare yourself to win the battle.

Losing weight and getting fit is hard.  All along the journey I have worked hard, experimented, learned from mistakes, acquired skills, and changed habits that will continue for the rest of my life.  As I worked through the maintenance phase of my journey I realized that all the skills I acquired along the way still come into play.

I have come to think of all the effort I’ve put into the journey as “Honing my Sword”.  I have created a sharp edged sword, used it in battle, won the battle, and I am continuing to keep my sword sharp and I still need to use it now and then.  It may not seem as daunting as when I first started the journey, but it still takes effort to keep my blade sharp.

The Various Tools

For some the tool that needs to be sharpened is the mental mindset against emotional eating.  For others it is consistency at the gym or even getting to the gym. For others it is using motivational tools and learning to find an easier way to think about food.

For everyone it is about setting up your environment for success.

The whole journey requires a lot of patience and even more so in maintenance since progress is much slower. Early in the process you tend to lose fat relatively quickly but you still have frustrating plateaus and life stresses that slow you down.

Even if you do everything right you will have plateaus. The body seems to make progress in “chunks” that are not linear. During these times I like to focus on the victories and “ride one victory to the next”; setting a positive mindset and tuning out negative thoughts.

Everyone has a victory to remember:

  • It could be friends or family noticing your weight loss or fitting into some new clothes (or some old clothes).
  • It could be reaching a goal you had set for yourself.
  • It could be completing a 24 hour fast or even skipping a meal.
  • It could be you getting compliments on how you look or a new personal best at the gym.
  • It could simply be you getting to the gym consistently for a period of time.
  • It could be someone in the gym noticing how hard you work out.

In maintenance you still have victories and the same positive mindset can be applied. One of the biggest victories that you should always remember is how far you have come; how much you have succeeded since you started the journey. Always be kind to yourself and reward yourself in ways that do not involve food. Items you need for the gym or new clothing are nice rewards.

Capture ways to remember your victories to help focus on them throughout your journey.

My Battle

The first picture is from 2005 and the second is from this year’s fitness photoshoot.

For me it was simply finally having the knowledge to eat less.  Getting to the gym and enjoying exercise was and still is integrated into my life as much as tying my shoes or brushing my teeth.

The Venus Index is still my all-time favorite workout and I believe it gave me the shape I now have.  It also helped me to belong to a support community and to have the support of family and friends in my life.

But after experiencing success I find I still need to put in effort to keep my mindset sharp and focus on the positive.  I still have to put effort into eating the right amount for me.  I still use every tool I have acquired and developed and honed and I now realize these will be what I continue to use for the rest of my life.

It’s Not Wasted Effort

What you do now will continue to benefit you for the rest of your life.

It is not wasted effort!

Do not be discouraged or think the effort only helps you get through the day today.  Not only are you resolving the specific situation you currently deal with, but as you succeed you are honing your sword and keeping it sharp for all future battles.

Sharpen your sword and win the battle,

– Ro

You Have to Deal with the Inner Issues First

Today we have an interview with Elisa Miller who placed 4th in the Open Level 1 in our  latest Venus Index Transformation Contest.

Check out her pictures:

Practice posing and once you know how to present yourself just be creative.

Elisa noticed that at the beginning of your journey, specifically at your first contest you don’t really know what you are doing and you are just trying to copy other people’s poses. But that changes as you progress and do this a couple of times.

And this is why we encourage you to be more creative with the poses and pictures.

Have fun with it, look at magazines, search the web, try something new and different.

What is necessary though is practice.

Most models spend hours every day posing, taking pictures and some of them have to practice walking as well.

Now you may be asking  yourself, why on earth would anyone spend so much time on doing all this crazy boring stuff every day just to  have some pictures in a bikini, right?

Well, if you want to blow everyone  away with professional pictures of your awesome and hard-earned body then you have to know the poses, angles and side of your body that is most flattering  (HINT: Both sides are not created equal!).

 

Next,  you should find a way to flex the right muscles at the right time for the photographer.

There are  all sorts of  small adjustments that go into capturing your body at its best, and it comes naturally once you’ve developed “muscle memory” from the poses you practiced.

Take the time to learn where to put your arm, how to tilt your head and how to turn your hips to show off your abs.

Let me ask you a question…

Do you have those girlfriends who always seem to look perfect in every picture someone takes of them at any event? Well, you would be surprised at how many times they took  pictures of themselves and practiced their smile in the mirror when nobody was looking. People do this more than you think.

And that’s just casual social pictures, taking fitness pictures is even harder!

Find the Deep Emotional Issue that Is Causing You the External Trouble

Elisa’s first interview was very enlightening to her, because it made her realize that even though she progressed and improved her body, she was still hiding something.

She wasn’t hiding what she was eating anymore, but rather that she wasn’t eating during certain times, mainly from her family.

Her family didn’t know that she was skipping meals; she always just made some excuses.

Then one day she decided that this isn’t right and she wanted to have a more open and transparent relationships with her family, so she sat down with everyone and explained that she is fasting, skipping breakfast and told everyone why she is doing it, how it helped her get healthier and become a better person.

Honesty became the number one priority for her.

And her family has accepted it.

Like she told us, she has a history of hiding things from her family that stemmed from her dad who was always hiding alcohol consumption from them.

This translated into her hiding her diet approach. However, she didn’t want to continue this vicious cycle and decided to break it.

And it was very liberating to finally be honest with everyone.

We always say that you can be covert with your nutritional approach, however if it’s eating you alive that nobody knows what you’re doing and you feel like you are lying, then feel free to admit it to people, especially to your family.

However, it’s normal to experience some resistance from your friends and family. This is natural, they often times mean well but may not fully understand what you’re trying to accomplish.  The pursuit of the Venus Lifestyle  is “against the grain” and not the ‘norm’ or the  ‘status quo’.  Remember to stay strong and not  let  others deter you from your physical fitness goals and endeavors.

Tips from Elisa:

  • Nobody is perfect
  • Expect and prepare yourself mentally that you are going to have high eating days
  • The ability to stay flexible is golden
  • Nothing usually goes the way we expect it
  • Don’t let external factors get to you
  • You need to be able to get back on track quickly
  • Most things that go wrong in your life don’t really matter
  • Your body is the tip of the iceberg people see, but the biggest transformation is internal – what they don’t see is the bigger part of the iceberg that is under the water
  • If you don’t address the emotional issues no external results will come…even if you can make some external change with internal change, it will only be temporary
  • Work around your injuries, do what you can, but be careful and conscious, don’t push through pain
  • You have to be really patient to build a good looking body
  • Measurements and weight do not tell the whole story
  • Take pictures and then compare your progress
  • Listen to the podcasts, get in the VI community, unsubscribe from the mainstream fitness media and so called ‘experts’

Links from the interview:

Read Elisa’s experience with Venus Index in her own words:

For the majority of VT4, I chugged along always under the assumption that, although I was making progress, it would not be enough to make a difference in the end. Until I took my final photos last week and took a good, hard look at my stats from the end of VT3 until now, I had no idea that I had made such good strides. My weight is only about…Continue reading here

Listen to the interview here, and please “like” it when you’re done:

It’s Never too Late to Get in Shape, I’m 47!

Welcome to looking like a mom.

You know the story. Get married. Have kids. No money. No time. Get fat. For life. End of story.

Right?

It’s not a very happy ending but it’s happening more often and at younger ages than ever.

So the question is, can you have kids and  attain, maintain or regain your ideal body? Without role models, I found it nearly impossible to even believe this was possible. It was not until I tracked down the simple truth that I was able to achieve the body of my dreams.

Now it’s my mission to inspire you. (Stop looking around. I really am talking to you!)

Here’s me at my best before look, after kids and finallly how I look now at 47 years old:

Naomi Sandoval: Better than ever at 47

Life Before Kids

Before having kids, I had plenty of money and time to play, travel, eat well and stay fit. I met and married my husband Al (whose story very much aligns with my own so go have a look!) We had no idea what was about to hit us. Like so many couples, our double-income-no-kids lifestyle afforded us pretty much whatever we wanted.

Enter the Kids

Once we became parents, we made the decision to become a single-income homeschooling family. We adore our kids and nothing makes us happier than seeing them happy. Like many parents, we learned that food is one of the chief ways to maintain the peace. Ben and Jerry’s, pizza and pasta were our drugs of choice. What do you use? Fast food drive through? Microwave dinners? Chips? Who has time, right? Rather suddenly, our days of looking young and sexy had become a thing of the past.

Welcome to Frumpy

It’s a demoralizing but natural progression that once you have kids, you don’t have to concern yourself with your body shape. You’ve already snagged your mate. Who cares what you look like? And anyway, why worry; we all know the metabolism slowing inevitably leads to these changes, rrrright? (Are you buying this crap?) Older equals fatter and that’s that.

Only, we’re not dead yet. While the media tout accepting and loving your body as it is, I found this a hard pill to swallow. Seriously? I’m in my forties, have had two pregnancies, so I should embrace the sag and the flab and just be grateful for what my body has brought me? Don’t get me wrong! I adore my kids. But being frumpy? Not so much.

“Are you Pregnant?”

Perhaps the kick in the ass I needed to finally make an effort to give myself the gift of my body back was that people kept asking if I was pregnant. Awkward! At the time, I cursed the fact that most of my extra fat piled onto my belly and, like so many women, complained about clothing not being shaped like “real” people. I now know that underneath the fat, we are all shaped pretty much the same but clothing manufacturers don’t stand a chance of creating clothing to match every possible shape. Fat piles on in a unique fashion for each of us and often it’s simply not flattering. Lots of my mom friends suffer from the humiliation of excess belly fat and regular invasive queries as to the contents of their uterus. Do you? Or perhaps you suffer from back boobs, thunder thighs, birthing hips or big bones. Believe it or not, you can get beyond all of these issues to the body of your dreams.

Enter 4000 calorie workouts and cheat days

Like most women, I believed the commonly held wisdom that the solution was to burn it off. I became a self-proclaimed transformation expert. I devoured all the current nutrition, fat loss and exercise articles and put my money where my mouth was, literally. I spent hours in the gym with a heart rate monitor and diligently scarfed as many fun calories as possible on weekly cheat days. I followed so many programs that involved eliminating this and combining that. What I refused to do was consider calories. What did I learn? Diets don’t work. Of course, I blamed myself and tried harder. Have you continued to follow a program that didn’t bring you the results you sought? Yes, that’s the definition for insanity but the marketing was so compelling so it just had to work. Eventually.

Talk to the Hand

Miraculously, a friend introduced me to Eat Stop Eat. And by introduce, I mean she was kind enough to share with me numerous times about how easy and simple fasting was despite my dismissive attitude. Fasting would never work for me. (Read these with a whiney voice.) “I get dizzy.” “I’ll throw up.” “I have low blood sugar or hypoglycemia or, um, well something. I just can’t.”  “I’m a snowflake!” Yes, I was the queen of justifying my failure to do the things that will actually work.

Imagine my surprise when I found myself actually giving it a whirl and nothing tragic happened.  I got up and didn’t eat “the most important meal of the day“. I lived my life, parented my kids, made dinner, and lookie that! I’d banked 2/3 of my day’s calories. All this without it taking up any extra time and all because a tiny crack opened up in my mind just enough to hear what my friend was kind enough to share with me about her transformation.

Having an open mind is key to success. Also, recognizing what is simple and sensible as compared to magical and mystical is the secret to success. Oh. Yeah. And following the plan is kind of critical too. Did you forget about that? Just knowing isn’t quite gonna get the job done!

MILF: Momma Isn’t Loving Frumpy

The other piece of the puzzle was learning about the research done by John Barban and Brad Pilon. These guys discovered that there is simple math that links ideal metrics to height for both men and women. Even before kids, when my figure was “fine” and “good enough” (see my dieted down photoshoot photo above), I never quite felt I had it figured out. You can’t discuss this stuff with anyone because, well, it sounds too vain. It’s fine to get un-fat. But you can’t just come out and talk about wanting to take it all the way.

I didn’t know what was “wrong” with my body, just that I was vaguely dissatisfied. The knowledge that there was a simple formula that dictated my ideal waist, shoulder and hip size plus a program I could follow that would lead me there was empowering and freeing! My transformation got fully underway once all the pieces of the puzzle came together. Not only did I need to hack away at the fat (A.K.A diet), I needed specific goals that would bring me to my ideal numbers, the knowledge that this was attainable, and a simple program to achieve the best look. I had always believed some bodies look one way and other bodies look another and there is little we can do to affect this. How freeing to no longer be limited to trying to accept my sagging momma body and further, to learn I could get the shape I’d always wanted even though I was in my mid-40s.

The Rest Is History!

Following the programs is not especially sexy to talk about. I blogged quite a bit on the community forums so feel free to have a look. Luckily, lots of others blog as well so you’re sure to find someone or many someones whose journey resonates with you. I highly recommend blogging as the process helps you to clarify your thoughts and you get excellent feedback and support.

What’s next? You tell me!

Thanks for reading this far!  My transformation journey was not just personal: my husband and one of my girls have improved as well. She has come a long way and it’s been tricky navigating this while maintaining her self-esteem.  My other daughter is a competitive gymnast who has always been lean and strong and we’ll be sure to do everything we can to keep her on track. We all motivate each other to stay active and healthy. Would you like to hear more about how things are going with my 12 year old daughter? Would you like to hear how it was initially doing my transformation alone a full year before my husband? Would you like to hear about recomposition: the process of making subtle improvements over a longer period of time? Something else? Please let me know how I can inspire you to attain, maintain or regain your best body!

If you want to hear more from me, you can also listen to the interview I did with John Barban this Monday here: How Many Contests Does it Take to Become Venus?

How Many Contests Does it Take to Become Venus?

Today we have an interview with Naomi Sandoval who placed 3rd in the Open Level 2 Category in the latest Venus Index Contest.

Check out the pictures:

Learn some good poses for the shoot and practice them a few times before the big day.

Moving from One Contest to Another

Naomi was always setting her goals in a way to improve for the contests, not just for herself. So, when she placed in all of them – transformation and open, she didn’t know how to set her goals again.

At that time we announced that we will have an open level 2 in 2012. However, she didn’t quite know what’s possible to accomplish in a year.

At the level she was – lean and well developed physique, you can’t really expect huge changes that are visible with regular clothes, at her level the changes are more subtle and really only visible in a bikini.

When you do a photoshoot, you will notice, but in clothes you will probably look the same.

It also requires patience.

Which is probably the number one reason why people have such a hard time staying in shape.

Re-composition is slow and you need to master the skill of being patient, otherwise you will end up like most of the women who start working out in January and then cancel their memberships in February.

It just takes time.

And the better conditioned you are the more time it will take and ironically the less overall changes you will experience.

At this stage (remember you already look good, just want to take it to another level), you won’t even get much feedback on even a monthly basis, because pretty much you are the only person who knows that something is changing.

 

Be creative and take some pictures while working out.

Train Hard and Activate Your Muscles Correctly

Training hard, having intense and challenging workouts, lifting heavy, having good form, knowing how to activate and contract your muscles, that’s all going to play a role if you want to change and improve the shape of your body. And it’s even more important if you’re trying to take your body from good to great.

To quote Naomi:

“I just didn’t know how to fire my glutes, so I had no butt.”

Muscle activation is important, you can have the best workouts on earth, but if you don’t know how to use them, they won’t do very much for you.

Now that Naomi has learned how to fire the right muscles on each exercise, she is sore after every workout, and that’s a good thing!

And based on your form, you can make different exercises work for certain muscles or not. You have to experience the feeling to really “get it”.

Start Posting Blog Updates

  • Blogging is the coolest thing ever in the community
  • It’s not public, but rather it’s for people who understand what you’re doing so it’s a safe place to share
  • The minute you need to get thoughts out of your head the write a blog, the exercise of doing this will help you get clear on what you want, that helps, might not make sense to you, but works
  • Just try it for yourself and see if it helps

Tips from Naomi:

  • Do conditioning to survive the photoshoot
  • Get a professional photographer
  • Figure out your goals well ahead of time
  • At some point bodyweight will become irrelevant and your final look will be all that matters to you
  • Its rare to achieve a six pack without drugs and still look feminine
  • Working out can be a big help with depression and moodiness…it can do so much more than just change the look and shape of your body

Links from the interview:

Read Naomi’s experience with Venus Index in her own words:

There are no words to express how grateful I am for the Venus, Adonis, ESE, AGD and related programs and material. To say this information has been life changing just doesn’t capture what has happened for me and my family. I feel a level of peace knowing we are empowered to stay lean and strong for the rest of our lives. My strategy this past year has been to focus on the following… Continue reading here

Listen to the interview here:

You Don’t Have to Be Obsessive about Fitness to Look like When You Were 18

Today we have an interview with Jannette Joly who placed 4th in the latest Venus Index Transformation Contest.

Check out her pictures:

It was a shock when Jannette found out that she can look better with a simpler approach.

Taking pictures at the same place, with the same lighting, in the same pose will help you see exactly how much you’ve improved.

Jannette is not a training novice. She used to own a gym and even today still trains people. And she is very passionate about it, she especially loves helping people like elderly, pregnant women, people with a disease; not your regular gym visitors.

Is Cardio Enough?

(Before you make any lifestyle changes you should always consult with your physician.)

Jannette told us that she thinks women especially need to do weight lifting, cardio is simply not enough.

However, she also said that even pregnant women should do weight lifting and she highly recommends it, both as a mother and as a trainer.

If you’re already training and you get pregnant, there is no reason to stop.

If you are healthy then you can pretty much do everything you did before. Sure a couple of lifts will not be possible due to the inflexibility, but that’s not such a big issue.

Who ever said weights were off limits for women an that a woman’s workout was meant to be cardio and abs only.

Women need to lift weights to have a slim, feminine figure with the perfect hourglass look, there is just no way around this. If you just do cardio, you will lean down, but will eventually just end up looking like a 12 year old boy.

Diet, Fasting, What works?

Jannette weighed herself at the same time each week and adjusted her diet based on this feedback.

This is a good approach. If you are simply not satisfied with how things are progressing and want to lose fat more quickly, you can just reduce your calorie intake or add a few fasts during the week. Just make sure you don’t overdo it, your diet has to remain sustainable.

It’s about trial and error, you need to find what works, and at a sustainable speed to make it all fit together.

Not everything will work for you, you must determine your best course of action.

For many people, fasting is what allows you to enjoy your weekends a bit more.

A diet you can’t sustain is useless and if you want to enjoy your weekend you need to follow a diet that allows this option.

The best diet is the one made around your lifestyle:

  • What meals you don’t need to eat?
  • What social events you have to attend?
  • What are the lowest calorie options you can choose?
  • What foods you have to eat that you crave, but have to watch yourself so you don’t overdo it?
  • What days you will consume most of your calories?

A good diet plan doesn’t start with things you can’t have e.g. ice cream or pizza. Quite the opposite, it should start with what you must have e.g. dinner each day with your spouse, lunch each Sunday with your family, party each Friday and pizza every other week.

Once you know this, you can calculate how many calories you are left with in the week and fill it in with anything you want – low calorie options are always better, because you can eat more of them, and while dieting, you want to eat as much as possible.

You Must Lift Weights

There is just no way around it.

Most women think that lifting weight will turn them into a hulk woman, but that’s complete nonsense.

This belief may be present in our society due to a lack of examples of women who have been lifting weights regularly. As a result women are intimidated by the idea of lifting weights, but truth to be told, you are not going to build a feminine, good looking body without lifting weights.

Stop spending hours on the cardio machines, find what works and direct your energy efficiently.

Scared of Getting too Lean?

As you progress you may need to give yourself permission to keep improving, because there is a lots of BS in our society about how women should look.

It may even seem that thanks to media we have lost sense of what’s truly attractive.

Here is a thought…

You have a feminine shape no matter how lean you are.

There is also another good rule to follow – If you feel confident, you like what you see, you have achieved that body shape naturally and you are both lean and have toned muscles, then it’s healthy and looks great no matter what other people are saying.

You may not realize this at the beginning of your journey, but as you progress and improve, people will actually try to take you down and discourage you from further improvement.

It’s the unfortunate ‘crabs in a bucket’ mentality.

In a group of average people, one’s inspiration and transformation is always discouraged, because it would reveal insecurities of the others.

What you have to do is realize that any negativity you recieve is not about you, but rather about other people’s insecurities coming to the surface.

Tips from Jannette:

  • Don’t make excuses
  • At some point you have to shorten the fast (when you are really lean)
  • If you want that body, VI can help you build it, but you really have to want it badly to make the commitment and follow it as written
  • Make this a priority
  • Find your reason behind your actions, it helps you stick to your plan
  • Being in shape will make you a better person and other people will notice
  • Do what’s efficient, dump the rest
  • You don’t need to train two hours a day for every day of the week to look good
  • You have other areas of your life than just fitness, fitness is a tool to make your life better
  • It’s okay to train while pregnant
  • Purposefully focus on finding the disbeliefs that you formed based on BS form media and bad trainers and work on eliminating them
  • Mindset is everything
  • You can lift and push yourself more than you think
  • Trainers are supposed to push you to your limits, it’s okay for them to do that, actually, it’s necessary!
  • If you put the effort into it, you will get the results
  • If you hate cardio don’t do it
Links from the interview:
  • Venus Index Workout – Venus Index workouts focused on building your ideal hourglass shape
  • Eat Stop Eat – Program that will teach you how to take simple breaks from food to lose weight while enjoying social eating events and eating the foods you love

Listen to the interview here:

Your Transformation Into Venus Is Going to Be Both Physical and Mental

Today we have an interview with Olya who placed 3rd in the Level 1 of our Open Category in the latest Venus Index Contest.

Check out her pictures:

Look at magazines for some inspiration and start practicing various poses.

Olya has been in our community for a while, but it took her a while to find her way and fully acquire the Venus Index lifestyle. But eventually she got it and today is one of the younger Venuses in our community.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, you can get in shape.

And quite frankly if you want to be in killer shape in your 50s, it’s necessary to handle your diet and start training young.

Let’s look into what approach you should take if you are in your 20s.

Yo-Yo Solution, how to fight the conventional “Lost 20, Gained 40 afterwards.”

Olya never had troubles losing fat earlier.

She would just stop eating dinner and did her own version of Eat Stop Eat without knowing it.

But then at a dancing audition they told her to lose even more fat.

And since fasting isn’t hard and rather it’s the coming out of the fast, this desire to lose even more fat opened a Pandoras box for her.

And this is how she would deal with it: She would come out of a fast and eat everything that was around – not a good idea, totally detrimental to the benefits of fasting.

Then she did all sorts of stuff like master cleanse or low carb diet.

Then she tried a raw food diet, got addicted to nuts and nut butter. Then did paleo.

She felt out of control.

She gained a lot. She lost about 20 pounds, but gained about 40. This totally messed her up.

How to Transform yourself

You have to learn how to deal with your emotional stuff first, even before doing any caloric restrictions.

Olya started working with Dr. Bird, who is the go to psychotherapist for the Venus Index.

Losing fat is mostly psychological rather than physiological issue. Everyone can learn how many calories they need to lose fat and quite frankly we all know that it’s just about eating less.

The real underlying issue is in finding how to do that. How to make yourself eat less, how to cut foods, what meals you have to have, how to avoid eating out of boredom, emotional stress and such.

That’s the real challenge.

Also, if in the past you tried dieting, but did all the conventional diets that tell you to eat only certain food categories and avoid others, because they are “bad” for you, then you have developed lots of bad habits and mindsets and you need to handle those as well.

What’s also important to realize that it’s not gonna happen overnight.

You can be happy, healthy and have a balanced life, but it will take a while. It will also take a lot of hard work and rewiring and destroying bad habits you developed in the past without even knowing about them.

What can help is surrounding yourself with positive people who will help you achieve your goals. Choose wisely, most people are not supportive.

In order to transform you have to psychologically put attention into this area of your life. However, you have to see your attention and focus as a fuel tank. There is only so much of it each day until it runs out.

Start believing in yourself. Self-sabotage and fear of success are the biggest enemies of transformation.

In order to maximize the results, be smart with the timing.

It Took Olya a year to finally find the right time to do the transformation.

Just like with the attention, certain times might not be the best. Make sure it’s possible for you to do this.

This time Olay was developing success routines and she was pre-planning lots of things.

She would pack things the night before in order to set her day up for success.

She also learned to view her workouts as a gift not a punishment.

This helped her stick to the workouts and not miss them.

Do all this and you will start seeing results and tangible progress.

Just be careful with the information and people you allow to get close to you and affect you.

There is too much negative bs out there.

Learn to manage yourself and manage stress.

Every time Olya was at work she was in a good mood and if she would be frustrated in any situation she would just walk away.

Today Olya is more in control of her life, her body, she feels good about herself and how she looks, enjoys the process and has a healthy attitude.

She experienced a lot of growth and development inside and out.

Remember that the transformation is both physical and psychological.

More tips from Olya:

  • Your body is the manifestation of your inner self
  • Start believing in yourself and give yourself the gift of support
  • Things go wrong all the time, stop punishing yourself for it
  • Despite your childhood genetics or what happened in the past you are in control of your life and your body today, stop looking for excuses and just do it
  • Don’t calculate calories for the day, but rather for the week
  • If you eat a bit more on one day, then you can just subtract the calories from your budget for the next day, this can help you stay on track and not worry about it
  • Exercise is a great stress reliever
  • Cardio can help you boost your calorie budget
  • Get the workouts done in morning or afternoon so you are free for the evening to go out with your friends if that is important to you
  • Take a step back and look at yourself if there is something you have been putting off and DO THAT
  • Don’t compare yourself to other people
  • You might need a few contests to get this handled
  • Taking photographs is awesome, appreciate the preparation for the shoot
  • Practice posing, look at magazines, check what angles look the best

Links form Olya’s interview:

Read Olya’s experience with Venus Index in her own words:

What a journey this has been! It dates back to when I discovered Venus Index program in December 2010! It’s been a year and a half and somehow the last two competitions just didn’t happen for me. But here I am at the end of VT4 and though I always think I could have pushed harder and better, I am proud of where I am right now and today. In fact, just seeing the progression and noticing seemingly idiotic things like fitting into old jeans and not having to pose only from a certain angle in photos, is worth every effort and every setback that I have…

Click here to continue reading

Listen to the interview here:

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