How Clear Is Your Purpose?


“A person with a clear purpose will make progress on even the roughest road. A person with no purpose will make no progress even on the smoothest road.” –Thomas Carlyle

Be Ambitious

Part of goal setting is deciding what you want and then having enough ambition to take steps to fulfill your purpose.  People who avoid failure are more focused on protecting themselves from failure or the embarrassment of not completing the steps.  On the other end of the spectrum is over ambition, setting unattainable or highly improbable goals, or trying to take risky short cuts to achieve over aggressive goals.  In the middle are achievers who have a strong desire to accomplish things important or gain success from difficult tasks.   Where do you fall in this spectrum?

In my last article I wrote about moving forward after mistakes.  It’s hard right after making mistakes to keep going.  Sometimes it requires a short period to reflect and regroup.  Being fearful can cause you to procrastinate, give less effort, or even self-sabotage (FYI John Barban talks about self-sabotage in the Anything Goes Diet).

Have you ever found yourself in a diet yo-yo?  If so, you probably have a sabotage point somewhere near the bottom of the yo-yo and this is important to recognize so you can move forward or as John says “instead of backing up go full steam ahead so that you never see that number again”.  I like that.  Full steam ahead!

Sometimes It Takes Longer

Just like anything else in life sometimes things take longer than you’d like.   About 15 years ago I’d gone through the police academy with my husband and applied for a job with the Sheriff’s department the same time he did.  The process to get hired in law enforcement is especially strict in California and only 1 out of 50 pass the full battery of tests.

During the evaluation process at the very end (after five months of testing and extensive background tests) right at the point before they hand you the acceptance letter I learned that I did not pass.   This failure was devastating to me.  I had to regroup and be happy for my husband who did pass and give him my full support for the career he was starting.  I had to accept that the time was not right for me.

Life is not always fair.

As I motored on with my life and retired from my software engineering job I’d realized how far I’d come in dealing with some personal issues.  I had a feeling I’d finally faced enough of the issues that I might pass the law enforcement hiring processes if I tried again.

But my academy certificates had expired and I had to start the police academy again from the very beginning.  This was daunting because the academy is like a mini boot camp chalk full of tests.  If you fail any one test you get one chance for remediation and then if you don’t pass you are kicked out.  This happens even if it’s the last test on the last day of class; all is lost.  Looming overhead after the academy graduation were another six months of hiring tests and still the one testing at the end that could be my sabotage point.

I moved forward, full steam ahead, and graduated from the academy with higher honors compared to the first time through. I faced the interview at the end with the very same doctor that failed me the first time.  It was actually a fun interview and I had a feeling I would pass but I had to wait two weeks until I received the answer.

I passed!

It was a huge victory for me.  It meant I had dealt with some serious issues in my life and won.  I defeated the failure I’d carried around for ten years.   I got the acceptance letter and the honor of wearing the badge and serving my community.  To this day I’m extremely proud when I put on that uniform and strap on all that gear because I know how much I had to overcome to get to that point.

You Can View It as a Challenge

You might have a similar daunting road ahead of you with weight loss or a situation in your life that you want to change.  You can view it as a challenge or a threat that leads to embarrassment of failure.  You can associate effort on the demanding tasks with dedication, commitment, and involvement or view it as overloading and stressful.  The choice for your mindset is yours.

What will you do?

On the other hand you can become over ambitious and set too high a goal or an unrealistic goal.  You might then try to take short cuts to get there.  Some of us do that with eating too low to try and make weight loss happen faster and it ends up backfiring.  Sometimes all you really need to do is practice for a while until you have enough skill to know how to set an appropriate goal for yourself.

You Can Adjust Your Goals

You can always change your goals as you move along.  I changed my goals several times after joining the Venus Index community.  When I started my weight loss journey my only goal was to get down to a size 8 because that was the smallest I’d ever been as an adult.  Then I changed my goals to match the Venus Index “Golden Ratio” metrics.

As I continued to lose weight I got down to a size 2-4 and got frustrated because I could not seem to get my waist down to the golden ideal.

It took me a long time to realize that I really don’t need to worry about it.  I became fit and lean and I have a thick torso because of my years of heavy lifting.  I needed to know that my waist wasn’t fat and the DEXA scan gave me that.   The data showed that the bulk of my 11% body fat is in my arms and upper legs and that my abdominal area was 0% body fat.  So I finally learned to accept the fact that this is how I am, this is the shape of my body, and it is okay.  So I have learned to maintain my shape by looking in the mirror and how my clothes fit.  It’s freedom to not have to rely on the scale or other metrics anymore.

Pick Realistic Goals

I would like to have a thinner waist but it would mean giving up heavy lifting and abdominal work which I love.  For now I choose to maintain right where I am.  At any time in the future I can change my goals again if I want to.  First I would research to find out if it is a realistic goal and then I would take whatever steps are necessary to achieve it.

How Clear Is Your Purpose?

 

Tips for Goal Setting:

  • Decide what you want
  • Start small but keep going
  • Believe in yourself
  • Write down your goals
  • Set small goals and accomplish them
  • Do everything you can to stop procrastinating
  • Dream big
  • Set up your environment for success
  • Set long term goals and short term goals (with realistic time frames)
  • Don’t make a big deal out of each mistake
  • Research to find out if your goal is attainable
  • Adjust goals as needed
  • Get the right tools
  • Enjoy the journey
  • Plan ahead
  • Ask advice from people you respect (even if you don’t like them)
  • Give yourself rewards for achievements (not food)

 

Clarify your goals

It’s important to know where you operate in the ambition spectrum so you can make necessary changes. If you are over ambitious what steps do you need to take?

If you procrastinate or self-sabotage what steps do you need to take?  Is your goal realistic?  These are things you can think about as you move forward in your journey. You can adjust your goals as you move along.

Once you set your goals, determine the steps you need to take, have fun and enjoy the journey.

 

It is never too late to follow your dreams!

-Ro

Ten Thousand Ways that Won’t Work

“Ten Thousand Ways that Won’t Work…”

As I finally started finding success with my weight loss I exclaimed to my husband Randy “I can’t believe how simple this is yet I failed at it for at least 15 years!

So Randy reminded me of the quote Thomas Edison made regarding his process for inventing the light bulb:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”Thomas A. Edison

Randy and I both laughed at how I found probably the 10,000 ways how not to lose weight!   Although the victory is still sweet for me, you don’t have to take 15 years and wait until you are 50 years old like I did.

Lifelong Eating Habits Engrained

As a young child I grew up in a poor family with four siblings and a single mom who tried her hardest to care for us under extreme adversity.  This was in the 1960’s and although we lived in the land of abundance it did not always make it to our table.

This was back when bringing food stamps to the store felt shameful yet my mom held her head high and did what she could to provide for us.  I remember how she treated all the food in the refrigerator as a precious commodity.

Circa 1969, I am on the far left and that is my identical twin on the far right.

We didn’t go out to eat much and she prepared healthy meals for us and packed our school lunches.  She would get mad if we tried to skip breakfast and she was always there in the morning to cook something simple like one fried egg and a piece of toast with butter.

We didn’t have a lot of snacks.  On occasion we might get a treat and go to taco bell.  I laugh at the memory of it because there were 5 or 6 menu items to choose from, all pictured up on the overhead wall.  Looking back, I think she had it right back then.

But I also remember her making us popcorn and placing it in a big bowl in the middle of a round table. All of us kids sat around the table and scarfed it down as quickly as we could afraid that others would get more.

Overall I think this season of my life taught me to appreciate the food we had and to not mindlessly eat.

The next season of learning about food happened for me in the foster homes I lived in after that.  I was fortunate to live with a Filipino family and an Italian family who both taught me how to cook their ethnic foods.

I was always ambitious and loved to be the one who cooked dinner and receive the praise for the meal.  We prepared our food at home and going out to eat was a rare treat.   At this point I started eating more and eating seconds was encouraged in both families, but I was young enough and luckily wasn’t too chubby (yet).

This was probably where learning about food portions started becoming distorted for me.

Me at California International Marathon a while back.

Learning to Love Exercise

My first high school job was as a summer camp counselor and I decided then that I loved the outdoors and being physically active.

I started my first full time job at a high tech company during my senior year of high school. The company I worked for encouraged physical activity and the work environment was like a college campus.  There was a par course and running trail, gyms, locker rooms, showers, basketball and volley ball courts, and even a softball park.

I took an aerobics class in the campus gym when I was 19 years old and that is when I met a 50 year old instructor who had the body of a teenager.

The image of her always stuck in my mind and I decided I wanted to be like her when I was 50.

I didn’t stick with the aerobics class because it didn’t fit my schedule but I learned that music made exercise more fun.

I started running outside and lifting weights at the gym and bought my first Walkman.  Walkman’s were expensive and it was a big clunky thing that used cassette tapes and ran on double A batteries but it was well worth the investment.  It helped me look forward to exercise (If you are not feeling like working out, music will always give you that needed pump).

If you are like me then you may also hate running and even weight lifting. However, if you stick to it for some time, you will start seeing some amazing results and the positive effect exercise can have on your mood and life in general, and you WILL LOVE IT.

The Slow Weight Gain Creeping up, Sounds Familiar?

The fact that I spent my lunch hour exercising meant I had to pack my food rather than go to lunch with other employees.

For years I packed my food and ate when I could during breaks.  These were habits that serve me well today.  What I didn’t realize was that my portions were still too big and I ate too much.

I exercised hard and at one point realized I had run six miles a day, six days a week for 10 years, along with weight lifting and other physical activities.

This was in the 1980’s when eating fat free and high carb was the in thing and so I did this for many years.  The memory makes me cringe now.  All the running made me hungry and I ate too much.

I ate this way for years while running marathons and couldn’t figure out why I was not the athlete that I wanted to be.

As time went on my weight kept doing the slow creep up so I tried several popular diets which only worked temporarily and some didn’t work at all.

These were the diets I tried (if you been in involved in this industry for a while chances are you’ve tried them too):

  • Low fat high carb
  • Slim-Fast
  • Weight Watchers
  • Atkins
  • Organic
  • Weston Price Diet
  • The Schwarzbein Principle
  • Eat Fat Lose Fat
  •  The Ultimate PH Solution
  • The Makers Diet
  • A  friends diet from a personal trainer/dietician

I finally just got sick of it all and made up my own diet with healthy foods I enjoy and smaller portions.

I ate my meals from small desert plates and bowls.  I stopped eating in the evenings.  I started calling what I did mini-meals and mini-fasts and I lost 40 lbs.  Then I found Eat Stop Eat, The Venus Index Workout, and the Venus Index Community.

I recently read the Anything Goes Diet.  I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in losing weight or maintaining fitness.  I found this book to be amazingly insightful and John Barban covers all bases.  Honestly the book is so good that I can’t see how you wouldn’t succeed if you actually read the book and followed the principles.  It gave me some new ideas for my own maintenance plan.

Even though we still have so much diet confusion and conflicting advice in the media it seems like the simple truth is buried there, eat less, move more.

Here are some examples where the truth does exist in sometimes humorous ways.  I do not necessarily agree with everything in these articles but you can see some points of truth:

After attempting various diets and eating restrictions over the years I have learned to cherry pick from them and found what works for me.  Some days I temporarily change things up and eat low carb or try something different.

Still, my all-time favorite books about thinking of successful ways to eat are John Barban’s Anything Goes Diet, Brad Pilon’s Eat Stop Eat, and Bethenny Frankel’s “Naturally Thin”.

 

Before and After.  The slowly the weight crept up year after year, but the Venus Factor gives you hope.

Before and After.  Slowly the weight crept up year after year, but the Venus Factor gives you hope.

Don’t get Discouraged by Failures

Don’t get discouraged by failures.

Every successful person has failures and part of why they are successful is that they learn from their mistakes.

It is just like Thomas Edison inventing the light bulb.  You don’t have to reinvent the light bulb or the wheel.

The tools are right here right now.  Using the available tools may not stop you from all your mistakes, but you can keep your chin up and learn from them.  Most likely these tools will prevent some wasted effort and you won’t have to wait until you are 50 years old to achieve your dream.

If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.

Thomas A. Edison, Encyclopedia Britannica

US inventor (1847 – 1931)

Since you don’t have to learn the 10,000 ways how not to lose weight like I did, what are you waiting for?

It is never too late to follow your dreams!

-Ro

How to Sharpen your Sword and Win the Battle

Sharpen your sword first and prepare yourself to win the battle.

Losing weight and getting fit is hard.  All along the journey I have worked hard, experimented, learned from mistakes, acquired skills, and changed habits that will continue for the rest of my life.  As I worked through the maintenance phase of my journey I realized that all the skills I acquired along the way still come into play.

I have come to think of all the effort I’ve put into the journey as “Honing my Sword”.  I have created a sharp edged sword, used it in battle, won the battle, and I am continuing to keep my sword sharp and I still need to use it now and then.  It may not seem as daunting as when I first started the journey, but it still takes effort to keep my blade sharp.

The Various Tools

For some the tool that needs to be sharpened is the mental mindset against emotional eating.  For others it is consistency at the gym or even getting to the gym. For others it is using motivational tools and learning to find an easier way to think about food.

For everyone it is about setting up your environment for success.

The whole journey requires a lot of patience and even more so in maintenance since progress is much slower. Early in the process you tend to lose fat relatively quickly but you still have frustrating plateaus and life stresses that slow you down.

Even if you do everything right you will have plateaus. The body seems to make progress in “chunks” that are not linear. During these times I like to focus on the victories and “ride one victory to the next”; setting a positive mindset and tuning out negative thoughts.

Everyone has a victory to remember:

  • It could be friends or family noticing your weight loss or fitting into some new clothes (or some old clothes).
  • It could be reaching a goal you had set for yourself.
  • It could be completing a 24 hour fast or even skipping a meal.
  • It could be you getting compliments on how you look or a new personal best at the gym.
  • It could simply be you getting to the gym consistently for a period of time.
  • It could be someone in the gym noticing how hard you work out.

In maintenance you still have victories and the same positive mindset can be applied. One of the biggest victories that you should always remember is how far you have come; how much you have succeeded since you started the journey. Always be kind to yourself and reward yourself in ways that do not involve food. Items you need for the gym or new clothing are nice rewards.

Capture ways to remember your victories to help focus on them throughout your journey.

My Battle

The first picture is from 2005 and the second is from this year’s fitness photoshoot.

For me it was simply finally having the knowledge to eat less.  Getting to the gym and enjoying exercise was and still is integrated into my life as much as tying my shoes or brushing my teeth.

The Venus Index is still my all-time favorite workout and I believe it gave me the shape I now have.  It also helped me to belong to a support community and to have the support of family and friends in my life.

But after experiencing success I find I still need to put in effort to keep my mindset sharp and focus on the positive.  I still have to put effort into eating the right amount for me.  I still use every tool I have acquired and developed and honed and I now realize these will be what I continue to use for the rest of my life.

It’s Not Wasted Effort

What you do now will continue to benefit you for the rest of your life.

It is not wasted effort!

Do not be discouraged or think the effort only helps you get through the day today.  Not only are you resolving the specific situation you currently deal with, but as you succeed you are honing your sword and keeping it sharp for all future battles.

Sharpen your sword and win the battle,

– Ro

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